


The Love of Rivals

by SnowfallBreeze (friendlyneighborhoodfairy)



Series: Gratsu For a Lifetime [1]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: F/F, M/M, Multi, headcanon: all the Dragon Slayers are gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-08
Updated: 2016-09-30
Packaged: 2018-08-13 19:30:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 35,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7983496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/friendlyneighborhoodfairy/pseuds/SnowfallBreeze
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After an intense kiss on Galuna Island, Gray and Natsu’s rivalry goes on as if nothing happened. But Lisanna’s return causes tension to mount between the two boys until one almost kills the other in a fight. Guilt proves just as big a roadblock to romance as jealousy…<br/>Angsty Gratsu fanfic with Lurza (Erlu) and HFN ending. Some smut. Hints of Fraxus, Gajevy, ex-Groke, and ex-Natsanna.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Galuna Island

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: for self-destructive behaviors and PTSD symptoms in later chapters. Gray had a traumatic childhood.  
> This chapter has spoilers for the Deliora arc; next will have spoilers for the Daphne arc. Please no spoilers in the comments beyond what’s in the chapter.

Deliora crumbled.

Gray's father, his mother, his town, his boyhood friends, the blood, the destruction, Ur - all the things he tried not to think about because he had a new family now and he'd come to terms with his past and there was no need to dredge up old pain - it was all being released. The battle against guilt and pain was over.

He was free.

He put a hand over his eyes as tears fell.

_I will seal away your darkness._

Ur was gliding away into the sea. Somewhere behind him, Lyon coughed. Natsu stood a few feet away emanating heat from his magic.

"Your master really is amazing, huh?" Natsu said, a grin in his voice.

Gray just nodded, still covering his face, but he was smiling too.

Natsu's warm hand landed on his shoulder, and Gray could practically feel him still beaming his flaming idiot grin.

Gray wasn't quite able to say, _thank you for knocking sense into me and saving my life_ , not to his rival, but he was pretty sure Natsu would get the picture. Erza always said most of their communication was nonverbal anyway.

Gray leaned in and put his free arm around the fire mage so they stood side-by-side in front of the crumbling demon. It felt good to have one of the members of his current family next to him right now.

Sure, it might be Natsu, and that might make this complicated later, but the warmth of another person felt good, so whatever. Natsu was smarter than to make fun of him for this.

Besides, the physical show of friendship meant Gray didn't have to say anything. It meant he didn't accidentally reveal something vulnerable that Natsu would hold over him and taunt him for next time they got in a fight.

Natsu's head leaned against Gray's temple.

Gray froze. What? What the hell did this gesture mean? Subtly wiping away evidence of crying, he glanced sideways.

Tilted comfortably against Gray, Natsu had his eyes on the disintegrating spectacle.

"Stop pretending," the fire wizard muttered without looking at him. "I'd cry too."

Gray smiled and moved closer as they watched the last fragments fall. Natsu was still hot from his magic and Gray found he liked it: it felt alive.

This moment, right now, was perfect.

How long they stayed like that he didn't keep track. When Gray wiped the last tears off his face, Natsu looked around, but he kept his arm tight around Gray. They were wrung out, so it was probably the only thing keeping them both upright.

Laughing, Natsu pointed out the now-unconscious Lyon.

"How hard did you hit him?"

"I did _beat_ him," Gray snorted.

"Yeah, no kidding."

Gray rolled his eyes, a little vim coming back to him. "What did you think I was going to do, give him flowers?"

Natsu turned back to Gray with a funny grin on his face.

Gray raised an eyebrow. Before he knew what was happening, Natsu had kissed him.

Natsu's mouth was a raging inferno. Gray's insides ignited and he moved into Natsu automatically, gripping the boy tighter as his fingers found the fevered skin just below the edge of Natsu's vest.

Natsu's lips pulled on his and Gray bit back, kissing him deeper, fighting for more. Natsu's nails dug into Gray's shoulder as Natsu shuddered. Gray swore he could taste Natsu's heartbeat. They shared an erratic breath.

Natsu pulled away just barely, breathless, their faces an inch apart. Natsu wore a glowing smile as he met Gray's gaze, and Gray could feel Natsu panting against his mouth. Gray had to restart his heart. They were so much closer than they'd ever been, so close Gray could see the striations of color in Natsu's eyes, and goddammit he wanted _more._

He took a much-needed breath.

Clanging footfalls echoed in the cavern.

The boys sprang apart. Gray regretted it instantly: the sudden deprivation of Natsu's heat felt wrong and confusing. He touched his side, bereft.

Then Erza entered, followed by Lucy and Happy.

"You did it." Erza's tone was both questioning and incredulous.

Gray couldn't answer: other sensations were swirling in his chest. Pain had reasserted itself and he bent over, hands on his knees. The ice covering his injuries was gone and blood was starting to flow. The Dragon Slayer had inadvertently melted his bandages. Of course.

The boy in question glanced at him with a quizzical, almost worried, expression. Shaking his head, Gray re-sealed his wounds.

The three newcomers hadn't noticed a thing. Erza gave them a rare praise of "good job" and Lucy smiled while Happy began flitting around asking frantic questions.

Hearing Natsu's voice giving answers was surreal. That mouth had just kissed him. Gray had a burning desire to interrogate the Dragon Slayer on the subject rather physically. What the hell just happened?

_Was there going to be more?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This entire work is written and just being edited. I’ll release a new chapter every 1-2 days. I know how excruciating it is to wait months and don’t want to put you through that!


	2. Hitting to Hit On: Introductions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a fluff chapter. I had a fun time thinking what each of the characters would say before telling this story and of all the excuses Natsu and Gray would have for being utterly blind to what's going on. :) Plot will continue in the next one, fear not!

It was impossible for Natsu Dragneel to be around Gray Fullbuster and not try to punch him. Gray appeared; Natsu got the urge to hit him. It was simple math.

Gray apparently had the same urges, too. Something about having these violent feelings reciprocated made Natsu's fire burn hotter, which was all the better for fighting.

It had always been like this. Since that first day Natsu tumbled into Fairy Tail. Sarcasm was exchanged before names and within minutes, they were having their first fight of thousands.

If people had known how much trouble Gray and Natsu would be together, Makarov might not have let Natsu join.

By this same math, Natsu reasoned that Gray's face was to blame for at least half of Natsu's destructiveness.

Natsu didn't know why the human icicle had this effect. What Gray said, how he moved, everything he did made Natsu feel a twist in his gut that could only be expressed through physical assault.

Gray was one of those arrogant people who thought he was the gods' most charming gift and flaunted his stupid ass accordingly. Gray thought his naked body was a glory for all mankind to revel in. It was infuriating. Natsu couldn't help if his fist landed in the other boy's face.

In the end the reason didn't matter. The point was, the urge was justified and Natsu couldn't resist it.

Punching his rival had become Natsu's greatest joy. If he had a bad night tossing and turning, he could look forward to taking it out on the ice-stripper the next day. If a job went poorly, he could ease his frustration by battling the other boy. If he missed Igneel, he could fight Gray and everything would feel better.

No matter what happened, Natsu would punch Gray and Gray would punch him back, and the world would be right.

* * *

Gray had been with a lot of people. It just who he was, not something to be either ashamed or proud of, just a fact. Sex was a thing people did to let off steam and feel good: it wasn't the fucking end of the world. Pun intended.

He'd had one-night stands while on jobs, flings with various people in town, and affairs with a few Fairy Tail members. He had a long-running friendship-with-benefits with Loki. It worked well for them both since Loki liked to date everyone but didn't necessarily want to sleep with them and Gray sometimes just needed a quick, reliable fuck with no strings attached.

Despite the long list of partners, Natsu was not on there. The reason was simple: Gray only fucked people he knew it wouldn't get complicated with.

He preferred to be in and out, the occasional date maybe, but nothing too deep, no labels or expectations. Though he had no judgment against those who craved romance, he wasn't personally interested in relationships for now. Entanglements got awkward, and Gray had no time for that.

He knew, just knew, it would get awkward with Natsu if they ever for some bizarre reason decided to fool around. Natsu pretended to be strong, but emotionally he was like a puddle—an immature, illogical, childish puddle. Natsu's feelings were a part of everything he did but he didn't actually control them. At all.

When it came to Gray's side of things, Natsu just pissed him off. It was that simple. While Gray was no stranger to hate sex, Natsu was a whole different level of rivalry and antagonism. It would _not_ work out well, he knew.

Even one night together would end in a clusterfuck: messy, awkward, and uncomfortable. So even though the Salamander was more than a little attractive, Gray would rather beat himself up, drain his magic power, and sacrifice himself to a demon than make a move on him.

Natsu was his sparring partner. The person he could always punch in the face to let off steam. When it came to the physical, you could only really have one or the other. Gray chose this.

This form of Natsu—the rival, the teammate, the reliable airhead—was an essential part of his life which he wouldn't put at risk.

After all, there were plenty of other people more than happy to be fucked by Gray Fullbuster. He would go right ahead and dick around with any of them, so long as nothing got complicated and he could remain detached.

So Gray and Natsu fought together, they grew up together, Gray fucked other people, he fought Natsu some more, and life was good.

* * *

Lucy wasn't stupid.

Especially when it came to people. She knew Mira and Elfman had been through trauma long before she heard the name Lisanna. She knew Cancer had loved her mother. She knew Loki was trying to manipulate her when he took her out for a drink that first night they had a real conversation.

She knew within five minutes of talking with him that Freed was secretly in love with Laxus. But she also noticed what nobody else did: even though Freed was in the Raijinshuu and one of Laxus's close friends, Laxus hardly looked at him, and when he did, his face turned as pink as Natsu's hair. _Someone needed to lock Laxus and Freed in a room together until they figured it out._

Reading people was Lucy's gift.

She knew when a standoffish person beat up someone else, it was usually their way of expressing interest.

She knew when two people pretended to hate each other, it usually meant they needed each other and couldn't admit it.

There were other things she knew, too: that if a girl nonchalantly jumped in the shower with you one day, then wore her heaviest armor around you the next… if that girl tried to be the detached disciplinarian toward you she was toward everyone else, but then her tongue got tied and she just ignored you because that was easier… if that girl acted all tough in the daylight but ended up sharing your bed after a job and curling into a little ball against your side…

Yes, Lucy knew what that meant too.

However, this is not that story.

This is the story Lucy would later describe as a lesson on how hitting someone and hitting _on_ someone were sometimes the same thing—and how the two didn't mix well unless you were okay with fatalities.


	3. Lying for Honor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers for the Daphne arc, but not beyond. Next chapter will have spoilers for the Edolas arc, and then we'll be done with potential spoilers. Please no spoilers in the comments beyond what's in the chapter.

Nothing had changed for Gray and Natsu after Galuna Island and their kiss before a dying monster. They fought; they traded insults and worked jobs; they inevitably went everywhere together and argued the whole time.

Gray had his ways of taking care of the Dragon Slayer. Whether that was (violently) honing Natsu's skills or subtler machinations, like tricking Natsu inside a Dragonoid so Natsu could take care of personal business, Gray kept up his old ways of being loyal. They were still friends, no matter what had happened in the heat of an emotional moment.

The aforementioned Dragonoid was currently a smoking wreck in the town square. From across the destruction came Natsu's familiar yell: "Gray! You dare put me through all of that?"

Gray glanced around from where he perched and smirked at the outraged wizard.

"It's your fault to begin with!" the ice mage yelled.

" _You_ started a fight and then tricked me into losing, popsicle! That's cheating! You're a droopy-eyed cheater!"

"It's called fighting smart, flame brain!" Gray hollered back, fists ready.

Natsu approached with an evil grin as they argued back and forth with their usual passionate brutality. Gray hadn't just caused all this, he'd helped Natsu survive it, which made Natsu all the more vehement about punishing him.

Before it could get physical, however, Lucy cracked her whip between them and dragged them indoors for the new-member party for Wendy.

It was only a matter of time before they got back to fighting, of course, so Gray stayed on the alert. But Wendy was the one person for whom they'd call a temporary truce. Everyone in Fairy Tail looked on Wendy like a little sister, a symbol of the innocent childhood most of them never had.

Gray was leaning against a pillar now, cup in one hand and the other shoved deep in his pocket. It was the only way to make sure his pants stayed on his body—Lucy had been quite threatening on that point. Slouching in disinterest, he watched his rival picking a fight with Erza at the other end of the room.

Natsu was still steaming from his earlier anger. But Erza was Erza, which meant she was going to win. Gray grinned as Natsu tried to land a hit—just one—and Erza tossed him across the hall.

He didn't observe the blue-skinned, blue-haired, blue-everything-ed girl sidling up next to him.

"Gray-sama," she said softly.

Gray didn't tend to notice Juvia. He had no reason to, but he also had the uncanny ability to _not_ notice her even when she said his name: he figured it was an automatic defense mechanism.

In this case, he did hear her. Before he could make the snap decision between feigning deafness or illness, Wendy snuck up on his other side (damn, he was distracted) and asked, "Gray-san, why did you have to fight Natsu in the hotel? Why didn't you just tell him what to do?"

"Natsu doesn't work that way. Telling him what to do is like telling snow to fall up." He smiled down at her. "Besides, Natsu likes thinking he can beat me."

"You couldn't tell him everything that was going on?"

Gray scratched the back of his neck.

"Uh...I mean, Natsu fights harder if he's angry. I kind of _had_ to piss him off."

Wendy giggled. By now she'd seen enough of Natsu to know it was true.

Fluttering over to them, Carla hovered in front of Gray with her paws on her hips.

"Did you have to abduct Wendy too?"

"Ah, that wasn't how I planned it. I wouldn't have let Daphne do anything to you."

"You were reckless." The gusts from Carla's wing-beats sped up. "Other people could've gotten hurt."

Gray turned to Wendy and inclined his head.

"Sorry you ended up in danger."

"It's okay." She smiled, then her eyes moved to a point beyond him. Gray suddenly remembered Juvia.

"I just thought of something I have to do. Welcome to Fairy Tail," he told Wendy in a rush.

He hurried to the guild doors, squeezing between tight groups of people in the hope of hindering anyone following him. _Escape_.

His and Natsu's fight would have to wait.

His route home led through quiet and not-too-damaged streets. Magnolia had already settled back down from the attack. For the first few turns, he checked if his stalker followed him, but when no shadows moved behind him, he relaxed in the moonlit cold. Patches of snow remained here and there from his and Juvia's Raid.

He was on the last block before his place at the edge of town when a shout broke the stillness.

"This is all your fault, Gray!"

Gray whirled, searching the half-dark for the familiar pink hair.

"What is, the fire where your brain should be?" he called back.

"What?" Natsu exclaimed.

Gray spotted him passing out of the shadow of a tall inn. He stopped walking as Natsu approached him, planting his feet in preparation. Adrenaline thrummed in his gut.

Even from half a block, he could tell Natsu's head had practically burst into flames at the last comment. He decided to fan them:

"I can't believe you, slant-eyes. You forgot! You forgot the city without sound!"

"You didn't have to trap me in a magic-sucking vacuum!" Natsu yelled.

"You deserved it after what you let those people go through all those years!"

Natsu was close now, eyes narrowed. Gray tensed.

The Dragon Slayer launched himself across the distance. Gray pretended to flee, shooting an ice floor behind him. Natsu slid into a tree, but pushed off it and redirected his path back toward Gray, sending flames soaring over Gray's head.

The ice wizard grinned.

"Planning to destroy the parts of the town you didn't get before, fire breath?"

"No," Natsu panted with a smile, "just you."

They both attacked and dodged simultaneously. A shot of ice pierced Natsu's fire. In the resulting steam, Gray didn't see the fist until he was flying backward.

Natsu pounced on him, landing on his chest and pinning him down with a broad smile. While Gray struggled to dethrone him, Natsu's attacks were weakened by delighted laughs. That made Gray's heart beat even faster. _Oh no you don't._

With a surge of strength, he pushed the Dragon Slayer off.

Natsu kicked out, Gray blocked it, and he got in a successful punch to Natsu's ribs. The scuffle devolved into fists and sweat and bodily contact, magic forgotten.

Half an hour later, Gray was panting and feeling exhilarated. He had a nosebleed and Natsu had a deep scratch running down his arm. They were slowing down in exhaustion, but neither wanted to stop.

"Why...didn't you just...say something, droopy-eyes?" Natsu panted as he blocked a hit.

"I was _trying_ to force you to remember your own promises."

Natsu punched his stomach. Gray sank his knuckles into Natsu's abdomen in return.

"How else would you retain your honor, flame brain?" Gray coughed, letting the truth fill the air. "I'm not a fucking idiot. If I _shamed_ you into all that, you'd have already killed me by now, not these wimpy things you're calling punches."

Natsu stopped fighting.

"Oh," Natsu said, vicious delight turning into a confused frown.

Gray, who expected the comment to get a more heated reaction, actually held back on kicking him despite Natsu being wide open.

But when Natsu stayed frozen, Gray grabbed him by the shoulders and took him to the ground. Now it was Gray's turn to sit on the other boy's chest. Natsu wriggled and squirmed between his legs, a sensation which was far more distracting than Gray anticipated. Natsu got his hands free with a victorious shout.

Natsu struggled against his apparent conqueror, but all of it was half-hearted because he was laughing now. Gray managed to grab Natsu's hands and pin them to the ground. He leaned his weight onto Natsu's wrists. Gray now had his rival completely trussed, but he no longer had free hands to do anything about it.

They were close again. Breathing hard on each other's faces.

Gray knew exactly what he wanted to do. Damn it, the temptation was there. But he didn't lean in and do it.

Galuna Island had been a one-time thing. Natsu had gone on like nothing happened, and Gray was too embarrassed to bring it up. Pretty soon they were back to their old, comfortable rivalry.

Gray had decided it was how he wanted things. This friendship. This fight. Someone who was as predictable as day. Someone who could never take him by surprise because Gray was _always_ expecting Natsu to attack.

Much as he wanted to lean in right now, he didn't want things to change.

He held his face at a stubborn distance from the other boy's. He couldn't read Natsu's panting smile, couldn't tell what was going through Natsu's head. _Probably flames and ramen._

"Gray, you perverted stripper!" Natsu exclaimed. "You're sitting on me in your underwear!"

"So what?" Gray snorted, trying to stave off the flush of heat to his face. "At least I have that on."

Natsu's smile turned sly. "You're the one who's blushing."

"If I had any shame about it, I wouldn't be stripping all the time, you fiery mouth breather!" Gray's voice rose as blood drummed in his ears.

"So it _is_ a conscious choice. I thought so, snow queen." Natsu grinned like he'd won a round. "So do you take your clothes off for everyone you fight with, or just me?

Okay. Gray knew when he was being flirted with.

Natsu reminded him of one of his old flings. He used to tease Gray just like this, making fun of his constant disrobing, trying to get a rise out of him. The boy was always puffing his feathers until Gray kissed him into silence.

Exhaling, Gray let go of Natsu and stood up.

* * *

Gray looked scared.

Natsu didn't understand: Gray had been grinning a minute ago. The ice mage's breathing had hitched and Natsu almost thought...

"I win," Gray said, wiping sweaty hands on his boxers. He stood tall, shoulders thrown back, but he wasn't looking at Natsu.

The absence of Gray's weight on his chest was at odds with the heaviness in Natsu's lungs.

Natsu was bad at this communication thing. No, _Gray_ was the one who was bad at it. They were where they were now because of Gray. He was a brainless block of ice: always had been.

After a moment, Gray offered him a hand up.

"You win?" Natsu said, catching up on the conversation. "Says who?"

"Says me pinning you down, pinko."

Gray met Natsu's eyes and flashed him a smile.

Natsu had a dozen retorts lined up, starting with several innuendos, but he didn't say any of them.

Gray had been looking out for his honor today. That thought twisted through Natsu's head in ways he couldn't analyze right now.

He put a hand on Gray's shoulder—Gray flinched as if expecting another blow—and said, "Thanks."

Gray opened his mouth. And stared at him.

Natsu pulled his arm away quickly. Turning, he took off down the street.


	4. The Heart of Lisanna

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers up through the Edolas arc, but not beyond. No more arcs will be potentially spoiled after this point. Please no other spoilers in the comments.

When Lisanna landed back in Earth-land, she couldn't look at Natsu and she couldn't look at anyone _but_ Natsu. Her best friend.

He'd _cried_ in the Edolas guild when he saw her.

She finished telling her story. The little group of wizards around her stayed silent.

Lisanna was tired of alarm. She wanted warmth, comfort. She wanted everything to go back to what it had been.

Before she could start crying, she jumped at Natsu and flung her arms around his neck. The hug knocked him to the ground, her giggling on his chest. Natsu reacted like a limp fish, except a lot warmer.

After a few astonished seconds, a gentle smile spread across his face.

"I missed you so much," she whispered. She meant it for everyone, but especially him.

"It's been three years," Erza said quietly. "To the day. Or it was when we got sucked up by the Anima."

"Mirajane and Elfman already left for…her grave," Gray added, glancing at Erza. "If everyone returned to exactly the way they were, they're probably still there."

Lisanna gasped, even as Natsu was helping her up and hugging her back, _finally_. She wanted to sob over the fact that she had a grave, that people had mourned her—that she'd broken hearts while she was gone. _Natsu cried in Edolas..._

"Show me," she said, voice catching in her throat.

When the group arrived at the church, her siblings were just two huddled figures at the far end of the graveyard. Colorless and bent, like reeds beaten down by the rain.

Lisanna let out a shriek and sprinted.

"Mira!" she shouted. "Mira-chaaaaan!"

Puddles splashed and cold water drenched her bare legs. Her wet clothes stuck to her, trying to hold her back.

"Miraaaa!" she screamed.

Mira and Elfman straightened. They turned.

Their mouths fell open.

Lisanna crashed into them, Mira's arms locking around Lisanna's waist and refusing to let go. Mira's whole body jerked with weeping as Elfman crushed both girls to his chest with a sob.

Lisanna was crying too. Crying because _they_ were crying. And beyond them, her friends—who were also crying. She could see the pink spots Natsu's cheeks got whenever he shed tears.

Her people were happy again. They were _family_ again.

At the guild, people's shock gave way to absolute delight. She received a thousand hugs. Mira refused to let go of her hand. Lucy and Happy told her all of Natsu's team's exploits. Natsu, stereotypically, picked a fight with Gray, but he was in sight, so that was enough.

People laughed; people drank; people stayed up all night in the joyous ruckus that was Fairy Tail.

_I'm back._

* * *

It took several days before Lisanna got to hang out with Natsu alone.

When she found out their childhood 'house' was still standing, she practically dragged him out the guild doors. Elfman stopped them to knock heads with Natsu, threatening him with all manner of torture if Lisanna didn't come back.

Lisanna cut her brother off in the middle of "snuff out your fire so you're nothing but a heap of ashes," with a kiss on the cheek. Smiling madly at Natsu, she took off down the steps.

They raced all the way to the woods. Pure joy surged through her muscles beneath the comforting grey sky. At the start of the forest path, Lisanna called up to Natsu, who was now beating her.

"Come back, Salamander!" she yelled, halting and panting fresh gulps of air.

"Mm, smell that?" Natsu asked, smiling as he plodded back to her.

"Of course not." She stuck her tongue out. "What is it?"

"The smell of Lisanna losing to a Dragon Slayer."

His laugh turned into a 'hey!' as she punched him in the arm.

"I'd be in as good of shape as you if I were always pouncing on ice wizards."

"Don't attribute this to Gray! He's got nothing to do with it," Natsu exclaimed, flushing scarlet. Definitely the same old Natsu: mentioning Gray always got him riled up.

"Uh-huh." She grabbed his arm. "Come on."

He looked down at her grasp.

"So I don't get lost." She rolled her eyes. "I'd hate for Elfman to kill you."

Soon a brown dome was visible between the trees. Letting out a squee of delight, Lisanna ran ahead, darting past a tall gray stone which hadn't been there three years ago. She dove into the little house.

"It's exactly like it used to be!" she said as Natsu crawled in after her.

"Of course," he said, lying back and putting his hands under his head. "I had to maintain it so I have somewhere to go when Happy puts a sock on the door."

They sniggered together.

She watched him as he stared up at the ceiling breathing deeply. His skin looked brighter and his eyes more alert: she'd forgotten how much a difference it made for Natsu to be out in nature. She suspected it was the dragon in him that needed room to roam without tromping on people. Natsu just didn't quite flourish in the oppressive indoors.

"So how was it like really?" she asked, settling herself cross-legged across from him.

He tilted his head to look at her. "What do you mean?"

"What happened while I was gone?"

"Pretty much everything Lucy told you the other day."

"You know that's not what I'm asking." She reached over and flicked his arm. "What have you been doing _besides_ forming your little team and going on jobs? Have you beaten Erza yet? Did you ask Lucy out? Did you find Igneel?"

Natsu blinked several times in rapid succession.

"I haven't found Igneel." The disappointment in his voice turned quickly to steel. "Happy and I are still searching. With no help from the obnoxious ice stripper." He frowned. "But I have fought Erza, and I didn't lose. So that's winning, right? And...what was the last one?"

"Have you gone out with Lucy or anyone else?"

She said it with cheerful levity, but her stomach clenched a little. She'd missed so much of his life, and Mira's and Elfman's, and everyone else's. It's not that she wanted the old times back; she'd grown out of the little girl who trusted everyone she met and was in love with the ever-blushing Salamander. But sometimes it scared her how much this world had moved on without her.

"Why would I go out with Lucy?" Natsu's nose scrunched as he answered, cheeks turning the same color as his hair. "Going out with a teammate would be...weird. Would that even work out?"

"Hm, good point," she agreed, though she was curious what he was blushing about. Probing, she teased, "Who could it be then...? Oh, I know: Cana! You and your drinking habits, Natsu."

He chuckled. "Har har, Lisanna."

"But how could I forget?" she went on, grin widening. "There are more Dragon Slayers around these days. You've probably been fooling around with Gajeel."

"Definitely not," he harrumphed. "He hasn't fought me yet."

"I thought you fought during that battle with...uh, Phantom Lord?"

"Yeah, but he promised to fight me _again_."

"Oh. Of course."

They met each other's gaze for a second before breaking into laughter.

Laughing with Natsu felt freeing. The sun had dipped low enough to peak in the door, throwing yellow fingers across their faces. Natsu closed his eyes against the glare.

"What about you?" he asked.

"Am I going to fight Gajeel?"

"No." He made an exasperated noise and opened one eye. "Did you get with anyone in Edolas?"

Lisanna curled her feet to the side. Pine needles and dead leaves on the floor made a _skzsh_ noise as she moved.

"Yeah," she said, feeling shy, "though Elfman and Mira were protective and infuriating and made things difficult. I fooled around with Levy for a while. Moved in together, before the guilds were disbanded and we went on the run."

One of the holes she couldn't fill here in Earth-land. This Levy was completely different.

"I asked Edo-Natsu out, but he was too cowed by Lucy," she continued. "Then I went on several dates with Juvia to help her get Gray off her back. But he got mad and challenged me to a fight."

Natsu barked a laugh so loud Lisanna actually jumped.

"Gray...and you...fought?" he gasped between laughs.

"I won, of course," she said with a sniff. "Though Mira got super angry at him. She went and beat him up over it."

Natsu was overcome with giggles, rolling onto his side and nearly lighting the dead-leaf floor on fire.

"Can I... Can I tell him that?" he asked, breathless. "He will never hear the end of this. Gray got beat up by both Strauss girls! Separately!"

Lisanna smiled at his mirth. "He wasn't the same Gray," she reminded him, but Natsu didn't seem to care. He stared at the ceiling and shook his head, his grin radiant in the golden light.

Her best friend may have grown, but he hadn't changed. Mind always on food and fights and winning. It was like a fresh breath into her lungs.

As he subsided, Lisanna pulled her knees to her chest. With a deep sigh, she broached the topic she'd been avoiding.

"Natsu, is that a...gravestone outside?"

His smile stopped like a bird hitting a window. He gave her the side-eye and bucked his chin once in affirmation.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, sinking further behind her legs and gazing at him over the top. "I'm sorry I did that to you."

"What are _you_ saying sorry for?" he growled. He rolled over and pushed himself up onto his knees. "You're back now, so you're not allowed to be sad. No one is."

She cuddled down behind her knees, hiding the watery smile that crept across her face.

"Thank you for saying that."

It was something she couldn't ask of her brother and sister. It would hurt them too much to have this conversation. But Natsu was strong enough. He stared at her firmly and nodded.

Before she could say anything more, a high, familiar voice outside called, "Natsuuuu!"

Glancing at each other in curiosity, the Dragon Slayer wriggled out of the hut with Lisanna on his heels.

"Happy?" he asked as the cat descended. "What's up?"

"The team is going on a job," Happy said petulantly. "Erza looks pissed, so I came to fetch you."

"Right _now?_ "

"Mm. It's time-sensitive. Master asked Erza if we would do it." Happy scratched his head. "Oh yeah, and Gray's in trouble and needs your help."


	5. Not Remotely Romantic

No sooner had Gray wandered into the guild than Erza barked his name.

He was trying to not freeze up when he heard that dark tone, so he was proud that his feet kept moving.

"What's going on?" he asked.

By the bar, the requip mage held a paper in her hand and was frowning at it. Her intense gaze snapped to his face.

"Gray. Are the rest of the team free?"

"How should I know?" He shrugged, and the brush of air on his shoulders made him realize he wasn't wearing a shirt. _I knew I forgot something._

"Go find Natsu," Erza demanded. "We have a job. It's urgent."

Gray glanced around the guild hall, though he already knew the pink head was absent because he'd checked when he entered.

"Anyone know where he is?" he asked the room at large.

"He went into the woods with Lisanna," Mirajane said from behind the bar. "They're hanging out at their 'spot.'"

Gray bristled. He knew exactly the spot Mirajane meant, unfortunately. He also had a pretty good idea why the youngest Strauss girl and the hot ball of chaos would be out there alone. Gray had been waiting for this to happen ever since Lisanna returned to Earthland.

"Do you need me to find Lucy, too?" he asked Erza, hoping he could cajole the celestial mage into doing it.

"Lucy is right there." Erza pointed at the blonde without looking. "And it appears Happy just flew in. The only team member not present is Natsu. Go get him."

"Are you sure, Erza?" Mirajane interjected. "Those two haven't gotten to talk alone since Lisanna came back."

Erza blinked at her.

"So?" she demanded.

"You know Natsu and Lisanna," Mira grinned. "They've had a thing ever since they were little. Lisanna asked him to marry her when she was nine. Give them space; let them get reacquainted."

Gray made a face in spite of himself. Mira made it sound so…sentimental. Like a trashy novel.

"Don't be so revolted, Gray. Most children do adorable things like that," Mirajane said, misconstruing his meaning. She rolled her eyes at him. "Point is, Erza, you might consider letting them be."

"This cannot wait." Erza held up the paper. "We only have a few days to stop this enchantment from taking out a whole town. I need Natsu. Gray?"

"Fine," he growled. "But if I stumble onto some disgusting lovers' reunion, someone is getting the shit beat out of them for this."

Mira sighed in exasperation. "You're not remotely romantic, are you?"

Gray didn't bother with a reply.

His body felt stiff as he walked out of the guild. He was probably about to stumble on something that would permanently scar his eyeballs. Just the idea made his gut twist until he wanted to gag.

The flaming lizard and his girlfriend would not be happy either.

But because it was Erza, Gray didn't really have a choice.

He punched a tree as he entered the forest. Not watching how he was aiming, he hit the trunk at an angle and bark scraped the back of his hand. He let out an unexpected yelp.

_Fuck you, Dragon Slayer._


	6. "I Hate You"

"...Gray is in trouble and needs your help," Happy finished.

Natsu let out a long-suffering sigh, hands on his hips.

"I doubt princess pointy-face wants me interfering."

"Well, you're supposed to come for the job and we'll pass Gray on our way to the guild. He's fighting a bunch of Gorians," Happy said. "Besides, he got in trouble because he was looking for you."

Natsu's eyebrows rose in a glare. Hard to believe. The freak didn't pay Natsu any mind unless Natsu's fist was in his face. These days, even less mind than usual.

He turned and found Lisanna watching their interchange.

"It's okay, Natsu." She smiled and gave him a nod. "I can make my way back. Go help your icy partner."

Natsu shook his head.

"Something could happen to you. Elfman will kill me and Happy."

"I can take care of myself," she said, hands turning to claws and back again. "You're not the only person whose magic has grown."

"I know you can take care of yourself." He rolled his eyes. "So can everyone else in this guild, yet everyone always ends up needing people's help."

"Fine." She shook her head, but she was smiling.

"Happy," Natsu said, "take Lisanna back to Fairy Tail and then meet everyone else. I'll deal with Gray."

"Aye, sir!"

The blue Exceed lifted the pale girl by the shoulders.

"See you later, Dragon Slayer!" she called, waving as the two rose above the trees.

Natsu raked a hand through his wild hair. _Deal with Gray_. An apt description.

Taking off into the forest, he followed the path until a roar and a _crashhh_ drew him to the right. A hundred meters on, he encountered an ice-encrusted Gorian, frozen except for its head. The Gorian made a biting motion at him: it was otherwise unable to move.

Natsu snorted. Gray obviously didn't need his help here.

The smell of pine and snowfall deepened until Natsu saw the ice mage ahead. Gray stood in a clearing surrounded by three more disabled monsters. He was dusting his palms off on his pants, bare-chested as per usual with scandalous physique on display.

At the sound of Natsu's footsteps, Gray whirled around in a crouch, already pressing his hands together. He gave an unpleasant grunt of surprise, scowling at Natsu.

"What are you doing here?" Gray demanded.

"I heard you needed my help," Natsu snapped, disgruntled by the unjust reception.

"You heard wrong, hothead."

"I can see that," Natsu growled. He felt the back of his neck heating up. "So, snow queen, what's this job we're supposed to be doing?"

"Some curse or something that needs to be lifted in the next couple days. It's what I was coming to get you for." Gray's glare deepened. "How'd you hear about it?"

"Happy told me."

"Of course that damn cat would make my journey worthless. Bakamono." Gray looked disgusted. "Next time Erza wants you, she can come herself."

His tone grated across Natsu's senses like sharp gravel. Natsu wanted to punch the shirtless boy through the nearest tree. Maybe that would knock him back into his normal level of annoying.

"You know, sometimes, pervert, you bug the hell out of me," he said.

"Sometimes?" Gray burst out. "You _always_ bother me. I wouldn't be here if Erza hadn't ordered it."

"What's up with you? Did you wake up on the wrong side of the snowbank this morning? You're even more pissy than your usual pissy-ness."

Gray's fists clenched, and he looked like he had quite a number of heated things to say. But his voice was even when he spoke. "Whatever, lizard killer. Let's go."

"Lizard killer?!"

"Isn't that what they call failures of your kind?" Gray snapped back.

The word _failure_ punched Natsu in the stomach like a hammer of ice. The image of his father came unbidden to his mind.

"I'm not coming," he choked out.

Gray's whole body tensed, muscles flaring.

"You want Erza to be mad at you too? Come. On."

He made a grab for Natsu's arm.

On instinct, and with a tumult growing inside him, Natsu punched him.

To Natsu's surprise, Gray wasn't prepared for this: he didn't even raise a defense. The blow caught him in the sternum and shoved the breath out of him. For a split second, Gray grimaced.

That made Natsu freeze more effectively than an ice attack. Gray not fighting? The surprise in Gray's face made him look the most human he had since Natsu found him.

Just as quickly, Gray's expression cut off into something cold and hard. All the walls returned. Invulnerable.

He didn't punch back. Didn't start the inevitable fight. He just crossed his arms and sneered. Natsu found himself the confused recipient of hate-filled inaction. What the hell?

He wanted to hit the ice mage again. However many times it took—until he forced Normal Gray to return. The idea made hysterical laughter bubble up his throat. This was ridiculous.

"I'm staying here," Natsu said again. He couldn't stop his body shaking.

"Erza. Says. She. Wants. You." Gray spat each word like a bullet. Black hair slicked to his forehead from his earlier battles and he was breathing hard.

"I don't care if you want me along," Natsu spat back with just as much venom. "I'm not interested in joining you. Are you scared of going on this job without me,  _snowflake_?  Is the almighty Gray not enough to handle it?"

"Right now I have zero regard for what you think! Jiisan gave the job to Erza and said it was important. Show our Master respect, shithead, or are you not capable of that?"

The easily-flung words hit Natsu and broke open. He saw red.

"Don't you dare talk to me about honor as if you understand anything." The Salamander inhaled. "Leave, Gray. Just go already. Or do _you_ not respect Jiichan enough to hurry your little butt along? Why are you even still here?"

"Natsu!" Gray's voice cracked through the air.

But the Natsu wasn't listening to any more.

"See you when you get back," he said coldly.

He took a step backward before turning and walking away. Trying to cool his temper. Trying not to feel like he'd been kicked while down.

"You," Gray's voice hissed, "have a brain even smaller than your balls."

Natsu spun.

"You!" he shouted. "Are an icicle wearing human skin! There never was a real person inside you to begin with, was there? Fuck off, perv. I have things to do."

As Natsu spoke, he realized Gray was shaking. The boy's chest rose in short bursts and the red imprint of Natsu's fist had bloomed on his skin. Natsu hated seeing that, the fresh bruise _he_ inflicted, glowing in a testament to his uncontrolled rage. Like some marker of failure.

Gray's sneer held the worst thing he'd ever hit Natsu with: disgust. The one thing that could solve this clusterfuck now would be a fight. Apparently Gray didn't care enough to raise a fist.

The pit of Natsu's stomach ached like when he'd eaten the Etherion.

"Sometimes," Natsu said, voice shaking, "I hate you."

For a gratifying instant, Gray's eyes widened in hurt and shock.

The image of Gray once again exposed hit Natsu with the realization of what he'd said, and to whom.

The realization came too late.

He couldn't take it back. There wasn't an apology for that. There was no way to say, "I didn't mean it."

Gray's eyes were gleaming with that furious light signaling he was about to beat the shit out of Natsu. Natsu let out a pent-up breath. It was okay: Gray would pummel him and they'd be even.

Gray spat into the dirt between them, turned on his heel, and walked away.

Natsu almost blew fire after him, almost yelled. Instead he watched the handsome black-haired boy stalk off. Ice froze in little plates in the wake of Gray's footsteps.

The ice boy couldn't have said more clearly, _I'm done._

When he had disappeared, Natsu was still standing there.

One of the Gorians made a small movement as it came back to consciousness. Natsu plunged his fist into the Gorian's face. Then into its throat. Its chest. Its arms. His hands ignited at some point and the Gorian was howling in pain, and still Natsu kept hitting it.

The air smelled like singed flesh and barbecue. One of Natsu's fists struck bone and he shuddered as throbbing pain caught his attention. His knuckles were bleeding.

The Gorian was comatose, out cold. It looked half dead. Natsu didn't remember hurting it so badly.

The fire mage began to tremble and couldn't stop.


	7. Nightmares on the Road

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Graphic Deliora-related violence ahead...

The job, it turned out, was something they could handle without Natsu.

Erza complained the whole day of travel there that Natsu hadn't come. Only Gray's sour glare kept her from turning her ire on him completely.

They camped that night and arrived early the next morning.

The dangerous cursed object ended up being a small dog. Gray nearly turned right around and went home. But the urgency was that said dog was going to explode thanks to eating several magic objects which absolutely shouldn't get mixed together, especially in the presence of canine stomach acid. The explosive radius would take out the entire town at least.

It was hard to say what was more frustrating: chasing the tiny rascal back and forth across town for several hours; pumping its stomach to extract the tangled mess of magic; or realizing the bomb was minutes from blowing and that they didn't have time to untangle the magic.

Gray contained the explosion by coating the thing in enough ice to stop a stampede. Of course, then it exploded and cold shards went everywhere. He hadn't been paying attention and the three of them almost got ripped to shreds before Lucy squished them inside Horologium.

It meant several painful minutes of Erza's metal ass in Gray's face. But at least they were okay.

The town was completely unharmed.

Had Natsu been there, Gray figured they would've just thrown the Dragon Slayer at it and let him contain the fire.

Or hell, they could've made Natsu eat the nasty magic before it blew up: his body could _probably_ withstand the concussive force, and it would make an already-internalized meal, right? Natsu would probably say it tickled or something stupid like that. Might give him a stomach ache (the fire smelled nasty, even to them), but the bastard deserved it.

But the point was they hadn't needed him.

The only injuries incurred were two claw marks down Gray's side and a bite on Erza's calf. For some reason the stupid dog only liked Lucy.

They finished up in the evening and stayed at a ryokan. The food was good, and Gray was almost thinking he might be able to relax. Until he discovered Erza had booked them one room to share. Of course.

"It's not weird," she scoffed when he tried to balk. "We always split a room among us."

"Saves more of our earnings for paying outrageous rent prices," Lucy muttered.

"But this time I'm outnumbered." His mouth twisted. "That makes it weird."

Erza snorted. Leaning in, she cupped her breasts and said in a mocking voice, "What, afraid we might take advantage of you?"

"That's not a topic to joke about." His tone dropped. "And you damn well know it."

"...sorry." Erza actually looked penitent. "Y-you're right. Sorry."

Lucy put a hand on her arm, which made Erza blush.

"Gray, it's just us," Lucy intervened. "Remember, the first time I met you, you were running around the guild naked. I don't think anything worse than that can happen."

That shut him up.

Without their flame-brained monster, the room wasn't its usual boiling hot. That may have been a good thing, because Gray suddenly discovered himself wearing nothing at all and was thankful he hadn't thrown off the comforter like he normally did.

Normal. Gray snorted. On a usual night, he ended up with little to no clothing, Natsu snored and sometimes lit his comforter on fire, and Erza snuggled Lucy in her sleep. _Because I have weird friends._

And weird...whatever Natsu was.

_Sometimes I hate you._

Gray's heart pounded, Natsu's voice trapping him against the futon.

The Dragon Slayer's face had screwed up in a new kind of anger when he said it. Not like all the times they'd called each other names and beat each other up for fun: serious anger this time. It was a look Gray associated with when someone in the guild got hurt. The kind of rage Natsu only got when things were _bad_.

Gray may have driven him to it a little. The comments about the fire wizard being a failure and the size of his balls went a bit far. However, what really upset Natsu was the thing about Jiisan and Natsu's honor, and Gray _had_ meant that.

Natsu made a show of being loyal to his friends, but he was unreliable, untrustworthy. In the end, Natsu was uncommitted to anything but his immediate desires.

Gray had no idea how they'd managed to be friends this long.

More of Natsu's words chased him: _You're an icicle wearing human skin. There never was a real person inside you to begin with._

Gray wanted to rip his comforter into little strips. He wasn't frigid and he sure as hell wasn't heartless. Which Natsu should know, because he took advantage of every instance Gray showed softness to ridicule Gray mercilessly.

It was why Gray always fought the fire mage. Natsu knew how to get under his skin. Because Natsu understood him better than anyone else.

If Gray were honest, he kind of allowed Natsu to get under his skin. He always liked that someone knew him that well. A friend who did not judge him, despite the endless teasing. The teasing was part of how they made each other strong. The only thing Natsu would judge was weakness, and Gray had already determined in his childhood never to be weak again.

Images of Natsu's angry face were making it hard to fall asleep. He wanted to get back and fight Natsu until his knuckles ached. He had always walked away from their fights satisfied and calm. They'd both grin like idiots while Mira or whoever took pity on them rifled around to find more bandages.

Those fights were probably over now that Lisanna was back.

A lot of things were probably over. Natsu had his (as far as Gray knew) one and only girlfriend back from the dead. Ever since Galuna Island, the two boys' punches held an unspoken tension. If the Dragon Slayer wanted to avoid another _incident_ , the first thing he'd do would be to stop his and Gray's violent physical encounters.

Gray should've expected the blowout, really. It seemed they were both pissed at the same thing, just for different reasons.

Because it was him and Natsu, _any_ transition would mean hatred and yelling. Natsu was horrible at change and communication.

If Natsu couldn't man up, Gray could. They were adults now: they didn't need to bicker like children. Gray didn't need their fights anymore. Once upon a time, that had been the only way—the only _healthy_ way—he knew to deal with the pain of the past. But he'd grown out of that, strong enough that trauma couldn't touch him.

Catharsis (and improving his skills) was Gray's only reason for fighting Natsu all those years. Now that he didn't need the Salamander further, there was no reason not to move on.

* * *

Gray woke up from a nightmare.

It had started out with fighting Natsu, like he often did in his dreams. But Natsu didn't fight back: just stood there with his arms up blocking the blows. Gray grabbed Natsu's arms to yell at him, but Natsu twisted with impossible speed and threw him to the ground without listening.

Something crashed into him, knocking him down and stealing his air. Brick and snapping wood crushed him down. At the edge of his vision, he saw a clawed foot as large as his mother's shop crush a building across the street.

Demon.

He searched frantically for his parents. He tried to move, but the weight of the collapsed building immobilized him, pain traveling up and down his body. Gray was dying and nobody was coming to pull him from the wreckage. No one was coming to save him.

Finally, in a desperate act, he looked behind him in the rubble and there was his mother, just like he'd known she would be.

Her hand was visible among the split beams and broken plaster, but as he scrutinized the dust, he could see her face and part of her torso too. She had survived. She was half-trapped, like he was, but still alive.

"Okaasan!"

She didn't respond. She was bent all wrong, impossibly wrong. He needed to get to her and put her back together before it was too late. Somehow, he clawed his way forward one centimeter at a time, sharp debris cutting into his skin as he slid forward. With awful slowness he moved until he was able to grab her hand.

"Kaasan!" The word became a shriek. His throat constricted. He stared at the bones sticking out of her arm: red sticks that belonged inside her. "Okaasan! Get up! Wake up, Mama!"

Her head was tilted away from him. Trying to see through his tears, he grabbed her face to bring her back and make her pay attention. His fingers slid across a slimy surface and he screamed. She was missing, part of her head gone, and as her head twisted toward him she didn't even look human anymore.

She was wrong, everything was wrong.

He was crushed again, losing all light and air. Mama was gone and nobody was coming to save him. He was screaming futilely against the blackening pain. But then the demon lumbered on. It left him, not finishing him off, striking him with the last cruelty: leaving him alive.

Gray thrashed awake in a mess of comforter, unsure which way was up or whether he was choking to death on the pounding in his chest.

The ryokan's ceiling came into focus. Over the sound of his booming pulse, he heard Natsu—no, Lucy snoring lightly. He held his breath as long as he could, forced his exhales to be slow until he grew dizzy. His heart began to return to a survivable pace.

He looked over at the girls: just a giant lump of limbs from this vantage point. Both seemed to still be asleep.

His bedding was soaked with sweat.

He got up, remembering put on boxers before he stood, and slid the door open. He checked his teammates again before he shut it: Erza was curled around Lucy with an arm and a leg thrown on top of her. Lucy was, surprisingly, hugging the redhead back, one arm under Erza's head and the other holding her hand.

Well well, whaddya know.

Outside, the inn's little courtyard was bathed in the light of a half-moon. Gray strung himself out on the steps and inhaled the silence. Nothing skittered or sighed.

It'd been a long time since a nightmare like that. The flashback kind, with images he didn't let himself think about now that he was awake.

He wanted to fight Natsu more than ever now. He put a damper on that desire quickly.

The nightmare was receding on its own anyway. The cold breeze was like a hug from a friend. A fresh balm.

He was running his fingers along the ryokan's curled stone railing when he realized what he was touching. A sculpted dragon. Because they'd brilliantly chosen to stay at a place called _Two Red Dragons_.

As if two of the fire monsters could ever be a good thing.

Heartless chill leeched through his body into his hand. The stone crumbled beneath his fingers.

Just like Deliora had crumbled. Just like everything crumbled.

Just like everything around Natsu. That dumbass couldn't touch anything without it falling apart. _Well, turns out ice and fire both destroy stuff._ He rubbed the stone grits between his fingers, rough shards scraping his calluses.

He was done pretending to sleep. Adrenaline still pounded through him, and thinking about demons and dragons just made it worse. Might as well begin heading back to Magnolia.

He returned to the room to retrieve his clothes but stopped at the door when he heard a low noise. It came again—a gasp.

He pressed his ear to the door. The rustle of cloth. A moan. Oh shit. He pulled back quickly. What was the protocol in this situation? Tap on the door before opening it? Wait outside as increasingly pleasured moans continued to reach his ears?

Then, quiet but definitely Erza's voice: "Lucy…"

His face felt hot. That decided it. He was _not_ going to wait around intruding on this.

He would just have to walk to Magnolia in his underwear. He had experienced worse. At least it was dark.

He left them a hasty note and slipped out, passing down the steps and by the now-disintegrating dragon handrail. Finding the right road, he started walking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you this would be angsty, hehe! Gray can get pretty emo when there's no Salamander around...  
> Thanks for the comments, guys! I'm ahead on editing but still going to release it one chapter every day or two. I'm using the free time to work on the sequel which covers their relationship (and which will be a lot more smutty and even more angsty/violent).


	8. Abandoning Friends

The guild was rather empty that afternoon, with most people out on jobs. Lisanna leaned on the bar watching her older sister sort papers. Elfman and Mirajane had banned her from going on jobs by herself, and since both of them were busy today, she was bored out of her mind.

"Lisanna," a squeaky voice whined behind her. Happy tugged on her leg. "I think something's wrong with Natsu. He's gone on two jobs without me."

Lisanna frowned.

"Where's the rest of your team? I thought you all had an urgent job together."

"They went without us." Happy's tail drooped.

"Wait." She jolted upright. "Are you saying Natsu went on two jobs completely alone?"

The Exceed nodded.

That was as unlike Natsu as icicles in the summer.

Bending down, Lisanna put a hand on Happy's small shoulder. "What happened?"

"I don't know. He says he's fine and nothing's wrong."

"Alright, where is he then?" As the words came out of her mouth, Natsu walked in the guild doors.

* * *

Natsu didn't look up until he reached the request board, too tired to be amiable. He'd worked a couple small jobs yesterday and might have overdone it just a tiny bit. He hadn't slept well.

Perusing the latest postings, he smelled her without having to turn around.

"What are you looking for?" Lisanna asked, stopping beside him.

"I dunno, something challenging. S-class wizard trials are coming up next month. Gotta stay sharp."

"There's this one." She pointed to one at the top of the board. "Someone built a bunch of work golems, but they've started attacking anyone who gets near them."

He read over the request.

"It's a good thing your team will be back today," she spoke up. "Fifty golems? That's a lot."

"I can handle it."

Fast as lightning, Lisanna snatched down the posting and held it behind her back.

He ogled her. "What are you doing?"

"I'm not handing this over until you give me a good reason why you're not taking your teammates."

"More money for me?" he joked weakly. He tried for a grin but missed by several kilometers.

Lisanna raised her eyebrows. Natsu knew that look: she was Not Amused.

"I can handle it," he repeated, shrugging. "I don't need my team for every little thing."

"Why haven't you been taking Happy with you on jobs?" she demanded.

He had no answer for that. Her blue eyes positively crackled as she pinned him with a glare.

"Well, Natsu Dragneel?"

"What's with the interrogation?" He already felt defeated. Damn Lisanna always had the upper hand.

"There'd be no interrogation if you were acting normal and not being cagey."

"I'm not being...cagey!" _Wait…what does cagey mean?_

"Yes you are. You're palliating your botheration and feigning equanimity."

He groaned. "Stop it. I'm too tired for this."

He pulled down the job he'd originally been staring at. Not a lot of money, but it was a three days' walk away (it wasn't like he was going to take the train). It meant he wouldn't have to face the team for at least a week.

Lisanna tried to grab it from his hands, but he held it away from her. He hated arguing. Not with her, not today. He didn't have anything inside to burn right now.

"See you when I get back," he said, wearily giving her what he hoped was an actual smile this time.

"Natsu! You are infuriating!"

He grimaced but continued walking away from her. He really didn't want to quarrel.

Hands curling into fists at his side, he made his way to the door.

* * *

"Aren't they adorable," Jet chuckled a few tables over. "They argue almost as much as him and Gray."

"In other words, kind of like an old married couple." Droy grinned.

"I thought those boys _were_ an old married couple."

They both laughed.

"Speaking of, where'sGray?" Levy asked without looking up from her book. "It's weird to just have Natsu around. He's quiet by himself."

At that very moment, the ice boy in question was walking up the steps.

* * *

A weary Gray pushed open the doors to the guild.

He'd arrived home after sunrise and fallen directly asleep. But the sleep refused to last, threatening more nightmares every time he closed his eyes. Awake and ill-tempered, he let his morbid curiosity draw him to Fairy Tail.

He didn't know what Natsu would do when they next ran into each other. What was there to say? He wanted to get it over with.

Despite that, he'd worn a jacket with a high collar that he could hide his face behind. (Also, he noted smugly, it looked rather good on him.) Normally Gray paid zero attention to what went on his body, since it would come off anyway. But today he'd dressed with the thought that if he slunk in quietly, the Dragon Slayer might ignore him. They could put this whole thing behind them and move on in their respective, and opposite, directions. Natsu's hatred would stop hurting so much.

As he pushed through the doors, he came face to face with the Salamander himself. Natsu froze like he'd been caught doing something illegal, his hand outstretched toward the door handle.

They stared at each other in startled silence. Several infinite seconds passed.

"Where are you headed?" Gray asked, then had to suppress a grimace. Natsu would think he cared.

"Just out," Natsu said, his normal voice so at odds with the shellshock in his eyes.

More silence.

Of the half-dozen people in the guild, most were giving the two boys the side-eye. Both were oblivious.

"So I guess you're all back," Natsu stated in a tired deadpan.

Gray gave a shrug that pushed his collar up around his cheeks.

"I am. I don't know about the girls."

Natsu's eyebrows rose for a fraction of a second.

Had they been on speaking terms, Gray would've told him about Erza and Lucy. Because, sure, the whole guild didn't need to know, but Gray needed _someone_ to be as startled as he was. Also, they were a team: the girls couldn't expect their relationship to stay secret from them for long.

But he had nothing to say to Natsu.

The two girls nearly bowled Gray over as they barged in behind him. It was turning into one of those highly unlikely mornings where everyone showed up when they were mentioned.

"There you are," Erza said, thumping Gray on the shoulder with a gauntleted (and rather painful) fist. "We woke up last night and couldn't find you."

_Bcause you were searching so hard._

"Hey, Natsu!" Lucy gave their missing member a giant hug, which he was too startled to return: his eyes were still on Gray. "We missed you."

Erza pinned Natsu with a dark glare and bellowed, "Where were you?"

"Uh." Natsu finally snapped to attention. "I can explain."

"I told you to come. I told Gray," she glowered at the dark-haired boy, "to fetch you. Neither of those things happened. There was an explosion and people almost got injured."

"They did?" Natsu asked, voice tremulous. You couldn't throw a worse accusation at him than _you betrayed your friends._ And when it came from an angry Erza, it was even worse.

"Gray nearly got all three of us shredded into little pieces," Erza ground out.

Gray stepped away from the redhead with an objecting snort. "That was _not_ my fault. That's what happens when ice comes under pressure: it splinters."

Erza backhanded him in the stomach, causing an unprepared Gray to double over. Gods, that hurt.

"You're off your game and making mistakes." Erza waved a hand at him. "Case in point."

Natsu grumbled something unintelligible. Gray, furious at everyone now, rounded on him.

"What's that, fire face? I can't hear your insults over the sound of your ego."

"Sure, because it's my ego that's too loud, not your mood swings," Natsu retorted.

Gray found contempt rushing back like an old friend and opened his mouth.

"OUT. SIDE." Lucy's shriek made them both jump. Then they stared in confusion because it was Lucy and not Erza yelling at them. "If you're going to fight, take it outside _now._ "

"Nah." Natsu kicked the stone floor, looking bored. His tone was proud and calm. "I'm not really interested in fighting."

Lucy's jaw fell open.

"Me neither." Gray turned away from Natsu to look over at the job board, hoping there was something good and far away. It was a mistake coming here. He was already hot and bothered and, to fucking top it off, aroused for no good reason.

"What is wrong with you?" Lucy slapped each of them across the face, bringing them back to the present. "Who the hell pissed in your food?"

"WHAT?" both boys exclaimed together. Natsu asked, "Since when do _you_ have a bad mouth?"

"You didn't want us fighting, so we're not fighting," Gray interrupted.

"I told you to go fight outside!"

Gray threw up his hands. This wasn't going anywhere. He made a break for the door. Nobody tried to stop him.

"I'm leaving on a job," he heard Natsu say.

"All by yourself?" Erza asked, incredulous.

If there was a reply, Gray didn't hear it. Sunlight burst on him and he blinked rapidly as he hurried down the steps.

He was so over this shit.

The voice that called his name wasn't any of the ones he might've expected. It took a prodigious amount of willpower to turn back. He frowned.

"Lisanna?"

"Wait up a second." She came down the rest of the steps and stopped in front of him. "Are you okay?"

"Why?" he barked.

She raised a cool eyebrow.

Gray closed his eyes and tried to rein in his tone. She was the last person he felt like talking to, but she was still a member of the guild.

So he changed tacks, keeping his voice calm.

"Shouldn't you be in there helping Natsu with...whatever is wrong with that nutcase these days?"

"Ah, so you've noticed, too?"

If Gray could've frozen her with his eyes, he might just have done so. He pulled his collar up around his face.

"Well, the wackjob seems to be mellowing out," he grumbled. "Good for him."

"Uh-huh. What did you two fight about?"

"We haven't been fighting." He gestured at the intact guild hall. "We're being good for once."

"Are you acting thick on purpose, Fullbuster? You're behaving exactly like Natsu right now, and trust me: I can read him better than anyone. So spit it out. What happened?"

That got Gray rolling his eyes.

"Um, no. I'm fine, thank you. I resent that comparison. In no existent universe do I bear any resemblance to your boyfriend."

Lisanna took a step back, her mouth opening and closing like a mute fish. Gray snatched this opportunity.

"I've got to go, Lisanna. Good luck with..." he waved a hand, "...whatever."

Wincing at how rude that sounded, he plodded away. She wouldn't hold it against him in the long run, he hoped. It wasn't like he was close friends with the Strauss girl, and most people in Fairy Tail tended to move past little offenses.

Great. Now he was relying on her forgiveness. Not a debt he wanted to owe.

He grumbled as he walked, trying to figure out what to do with himself, when someone barreled into him.

A flash of pink hair sent him tumbling and Gray hit the street on hands and knees. Spurts of ice made spiderwebs on the pavement around him as his rage returned cold and fast. He sprang to his feet, the fire mage wheeling about to face him.

"Fuck, Natsu!" Gray yelled. "Watch the fuck where you're going!"

"I was _trying_ to hit you, asshole."

Hand already in a fist, Gray took a step toward Natsu. But he stopped himself: that would be giving in. They were over this.

"Baka," Gray spat. "Get out of my way."

He tried to push past, but Natsu put a scalding palm on his chest.

"No," the Dragon Slayer replied.

_"GET OUT OF MY WAY!"_

Gray's roar was so loud half of Magnolia had to have heard. Natsu looked slightly windswept as Gray jerked out of his reach.

"Fight me, damn it," Natsu growled.

"I'm not going to fight you! Didn't we already establish that?" _Don't fucking tempt me._ Gray was about ready to slice his rival's head off.

"Why not, snowflake?" Natsu got up in his face. "Too scared? Too busy with all those jobs you're going out to do?"

"You're—" Gray took a deep breath and hissed, "You're not worth my time."

He thought the furious words would make Natsu stop. He thought if he hurt the other boy enough, Natsu would finally just leave him alone.

Natsu's jaw clenched, but his eyes were relaxed. He didn't look angry or even upset. Just determined.

Fire appeared in his hands.

Gray raised a shield just as the flames hit. But they burned through his ice like rice-paper, nearly singeing him. Damn. That was a much harder strike than usual.

The Salamander was playing for keeps.

Gray had to raise another shield as Natsu's next strike came hard and fast. Gray retaliated. Natsu dodged in the blink of an eye and soared to a new attack angle.

An explosion rocked the street as Gray rolled aside. A crater marked the pavement where he'd been standing. Gray rubbed his left arm: all the hair was burned off. Natsu had never hit him this early in a fight before. The flame-brain's flames were stronger than normal. Hotter.

It wasn't right. They never went all out. They didn't _actually_ want to kill each other, just get close. Besides, the Dragon Slayer couldn't usually access this much of his power unless someone he cared about was threatened.

Gray's stomach knotted. _Lisanna._

Fuck.

Because of course Natsu's super hearing had caught Gray's words to his pseudo-girlfriend. (Or did they call them 'mates' in the Dragon Slayer world?) That was Gray's kind of luck.

Gray shot an ice geyser, followed by a lance as Natsu leapt aside. Natsu flew down from above like a blazing star, sunlight haloing his head.

Gray stopped calculating and let his body go. His instincts were better than any conscious thought. _Thank you, childhood trauma._ This was part of him was dead and numb, able to move without deliberation.

He feinted and dodged, cold weapons forming between his hands.

Natsu wanted a real fight this time? Gray would give him one.


	9. Flames of Passion

Natsu had to practically fall sideways to evade Gray's ice blade. He felt exultant. Finally, the other boy was getting serious.

He double-feinted—Gray was too smart for usual tricks—and lashed out again. His dragon fist overshot the ice mage by centimeters. Natsu took the opportunity to slide past and attack from behind.

Ice exploded at him. Gray hadn't even turned around for the strike. The transparent shards knocked Natsu backward into a building. He ran his tongue over his lip and swallowed a mouthful of iron.

"Nice hit, icicle," he called, and despite the lack of sarcasm, Gray looked angrier than ever.

The taste of blood, Gray's anger—it calmed Natsu. In normal circumstances, it would've pissed him off, made his fire burn hotter. But this felt right. He'd followed his instincts in chasing after Gray, and right now his instincts told him all was well. His bloody lip—that, too, was right. Good. Normal.

They danced around each other, each scoring hits here and there. Natsu was getting more beat-up overall, but he didn't mind: Gray seemed to need to work out his anger. Natsu's body could take it.

The fight kept going, til their lungs were burning and they had no idea how much time had passed or how they'd gotten to the edge of town. Probably subconsciously, they'd driven each other to a place where there was more room to be destructive.

They were getting less destructive with each hit, however. They'd been going for so long they were actually approaching the point of draining themselves completely—which was no small feat for either of them. They just were too in sync. They knew all each other's moves.

Nobody was going to win this before they both ran out of magic power.

Gray closed the distance between them. Swords of ice appeared on his forearms and he lunged. It took all of Natsu's heat to melt the blades before they struck. They reformed a second later as both boys rushed each other, Natsu putting his all into his flames.

Natsu could tell what Gray was going to do an instant before it happened.

He could've whirled aside. He knew how Gray was going to move—dodge, twist, stab up. How many times had he seen it?

But some part of him wanted it to happen. Something inside him said, _end it already. Lose the fight. It's why you came here in the first place._

That was undeniably true. He was just bad at losing.

Maybe it was because Natsu relaxed his muscles—because he gave up on purpose—that the next thing was able to happen.

As the boys crashed into each other with all their momentum, Gray's blade pierced his chest. Natsu felt the usual, anticipated pain of impact. But there was more. Cold slid smoothly through his heart. Cold _inside him_.

_Ow._

* * *

Natsu swam toward consciousness through thick, slow thoughts. Everything was fuzzy, dream-like. Everything ached. Especially his chest.

He tried to groan words. All that came out were animal sounds.

Gray's voice reached him, sudden clarity breaking through the haze: "Fuckwit."

Natsu tried to turn to find the voice's source. But moving was so hard. Impossible. He could feel his body, but couldn't make sense of any of the sensations. He was leaning against something, he figured; but sitting up any further was out of the question.

Suddenly, Gray was crouching beside him.

"I can't believe you, hothead." Gray's tone was worried and affectionate. It echoed through his head, simultaneously fainter and brighter than a moment before. "What were you thinking?"

"Are we even?" Natsu asked, trying to ground himself firmly in this reality.

"What?"

"Are we even?"

Natsu searched with great difficulty for Gray's eyes. Gray leaned over him with his head down, hair half-obscuring his indecipherable features.

Gray's growl was quiet: "That's what this was about?"

Natsu took a difficult breath—damn, his heart hurt—and said the thing he'd never said before in his life but probably should have from the beginning of all this.

"I'm...sorry."

His words trailed off into coughing and pain.

"Stop talking!" Gray's arm adjusted around his shoulders. "Yes, we're even. Just stop talking."

"I don't feel good."

"Of course not, fire queen." Gray's breath ghosted over Natsu's forehead. "Luckily, you're going to be fine."

"Ugh." Natsu groaned. "Just make it stop hurting please."

Gray's hand ran down the side of Natsu's face and stopped at his cheek, making Natsu's heart jump. Gray was down in his vision now, black eyes looking straight at him. With slow, deliberate movement, Gray kissed him.

As if this was what he'd been waiting for the whole time, Natsu kissed Gray back with passionate sloppiness. Gray actually moaned.

Natsu tilted his head back to give Gray more access and Gray slipped his tongue between Natsu's teeth. Natsu's breath stuttered in his chest. Natsu moved a hand—the one that didn't hurt as much—up Gray's arm and stopped over his heart. Gray's pulse was pounding so fast Natsu couldn't count the beats.

He sighed, enjoying the feel of his rival's lips against his mouth. He smiled against Gray's kisses and murmured, "Finally, droopy-eyes."

_"Mm."_

Gray kissed him harder. He was gripping Natsu tightly, fingers pressing into bruises, and Natsu didn't care one bit: _he was kissing him._

Natsu's body felt hot all over. Later, his injuries would ache again, but right now the pleasure sparking in his belly drove all those thoughts away.

Gray eventually pulled back. Natsu tried to follow, but his body shouted at him to stay still.

"Don't stop," he croaked. "Gray..." It came out like a whine, and he didn't care how childish it sounded.

Gray's voice seemed to be coming from a long way off, through wads of cotton stuffed in Natsu's head.

"...I don't want to hurt you worse..."

Natsu slumped back. Gray's arm sat firmly around his shoulder and he relaxed into it. Now that he thought about it, sleep sounded nice. It sounded very nice.

* * *

Gray's blade sliced into its target. Horror gripped Gray as it slid deep into Natsu's chest. He couldn't stop—they were colliding with too much force. The ice fragmented as his will shattered, but the damage was already done.

He'd seen Natsu flinch. Natsu had known what Gray was about to do, just as they'd been predicting each other's attacks this whole fight. Why didn't the idiot get out of the way?

Natsu toppled like he'd lost all desire to fight. Out of fearful instinct, Gray caught Natsu's hand in time to keep his head from slamming into the pavement. He let go immediately, but Natsu made no reaction as he slumped on the ground.

Natsu's eyes were closed. A wound in his chest burbled blood.

_Shit shit shit, I didn't hit you that hard, open your eyes, Natsu, why didn't you dodge, just open your eyes already and be okay—_

Natsu didn't open his eyes.

"You just had to faint," Gray said gruffly, but his heart was pounding. His fingers trailed over Natsu's chest, trying to probe how deep the wound was. His hands shook. There was a lot of blood.

As he touched Natsu, the Dragon Slayer moaned. Gray nearly jumped out of his skin. But Natsu was still unconscious, drifting on some other plane.

_How the hell did I manage to actually PIERCE you?_

Red everywhere. Some soaking into Natsu's scarf. He'd be furious. Gray tucked the ends away from the wound as best he could. Then he spread ice across Natsu's chest, sending up a cloud of steam.

"Fuckwit," Gray growled. "Why didn't you dodge? Why the fuck did you let it hit you?"

This injury was too severe. His ice was already melting, dribbling streams of pink water. Damn Natsu and his hot body.

This was bad. Natsu needed help. Immediately.

Gray needed to get him back to the guild.

Gray lifted him slowly, trying very hard not to disturb his wounds. As he stood, his arms and legs announced they were exhausted and several burns made him aware of their existence and in his core he felt the drain of magic power that was nearly empty. None of it mattered.

He started running.

It felt surreal sprinting down the streets of Magnolia like this. Natsu, of all people, cradled in his arms. People exclaimed as he went past: _look at the shirtless boy carrying that bleeding kid; aren't those Fairy Tail wizards?_

"I'm..." Natsu mumbled.

Gray nearly dropped him. He readjusted his grip without slowing down, bringing Natsu's face closer to his so he could hear him better.

"...sorry," Natsu finished a moment later, the word wet and thick. _Fuck,_ was he breathing blood?

"Stop talking," Gray said, heart in his throat. "Just stop talking."

Stone thumped beneath his feet.

"Besides, I don't even know what you're apologizing for," he panted. "You're only allowed to say stuff like that when you're conscious. I can't tease you right now. That would be fucking taking advantage. I know I'm an asshole, but I will _never_ take advantage of anyone, alright? Even you, dipshit."

He didn't even know why he was saying it. Natsu didn't care right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the he's-actually-dreaming cliche! I just had to give them a tender moment, even if it was in Natsu's head; we've gone too long without one. :) Their angst is far from over, mwahaha...


	10. A Kick in the Balls from Reality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day! It's because I love you guys :) Thanks for all the comments. Agreed: Gray and Natsu are both being stupid. Let's see how they deal with shock...

Fairy Tail came into view and Gray put on more speed. He nearly tripped over Warren as the latter turned onto the street.

"Gray!" Warren greeted him, then he took in the body in Gray's arms and his smile evaporated. "Oh my god. Is he okay?"

"Get Porlyusica!" Gray ordered without breaking pace. "And warn Mira I'm coming!"

Catching up to keep pace with him, Warren nodded and put a finger to his forehead. As they pounded down the last block, Warren said, "Porlyusica says she won't come into Magnolia: bring him to her."

Gray's terror erupted in anger.

"Do you see all this blood?" he almost screamed. "Tell her to fucking get over here!"

The snarl on his face made Warren go pale.

Gray burst in the doors of Fairy Tail.

"Mira!" he shouted. "Natsu's hurt!"

Mirajane was already heading toward the infirmary, pre-warned by the telepath.

Gray dashed around tables, knocking several people over in his wake. There were cries of "what's going on?" that he ignored. No time. He was vaguely aware of Master and Erza following.

He didn't stop running until he was laying Natsu down on a cot. The ice was all gone, so he made more, then stared down at his shaking hands, breathing in great gasps. His fingers were bloody. With Natsu's blood. The sight arrested him.

"What happened?"

"He was stabbed...through the chest..." Gray panted. "I-I stabbed him..."

Erza's hand landed on his shoulder in a fierce grip. He couldn't tell if it was meant for comfort or vengeance.

Mirajane fluttered around busily. Gray couldn't stand any longer—all his muscles were trembling. He collapsed backward onto another cot and sat with elbows on his knees, holding dripping fingers away from his body.

_Fuck, there's blood everywhere, this is bad, holy shit..._

Erza squeezed his shoulder.

"What were you two doing?" she asked.

"We were fighting..." He pressed the backs of his wrists into his eyes. "I don't know, he just...stopped. I wasn't trying to hit him—I mean, I was, but I wasn't trying to do... _this_."

He had to break off as fear ripped at his throat.

The delirious Salamander seemed to be stirring a little nearer to consciousness, breathing changing. Without hesitation Gray leaned in closer to the sweaty face, waiting, waiting, for _something._

"Don't stop," Natsu breathed.

"What, are you a masochist now?" Gray whispered, too low for anyone else to hear. His voice was hoarse. "I am never fighting you again. I don't want to hurt you worse. _Moron._ "

Insults seemed to be the only way Gray could handle what was going on.

He could feel Makarov's eyes on him from across the room. He remembered the incident with the Dragonoid: how everyone thought Gray had it out for the Salamander, how everyone thought he'd betrayed the guild in order to hurt Natsu. Nobody understood this was how they took care of each other. Gray put him through this sort of thing _because_ Natsu was his closest friend.

Maybe Natsu didn't understand, either. Maybe Gray was just an idiot who kept doing the wrong thing.

"Ojiisan." Gray looked up desperately. "I swear—"

"We believe you," Erza interrupted.

Gray glanced up at her. She was gazing down at Natsu with a worried expression that shattered him.

"Master," Mira interjected, no trace of her usual smile, "we can't help him here. This needs Porlyusica."

"Mm." Makarov's frown didn't leave Natsu's face. "Send someone to get her."

"Warren already told her," Gray said in a rush.

"In that case," Makarov finally looked at him, "there's nothing more you can do."

"Jiisan—"

"Go get cleaned up."

Gray stood, his chest so tight that breathing was difficult. He was afraid for Natsu, afraid that if he weren't here watching, something terrible would happen to the Dragon Slayer in his absence. And a new fear was growing: afraid if he stepped out of this room, they wouldn't let him come back in.

Gramps didn't let anyone hurt his children. _I'm going to be put out of the guild._

He swallowed, but it didn't stop a tear from getting out. He took another breath, but it was loud and shuddery and everyone looked at him and dammit he was crying...

"Are you hurt?" Erza gasped.

Gray shook his head, trying to speak without letting any more emotion leak out.

"Is he going to be okay?" His voice sounded small and terrified. He put a hand over his mouth to stop the noise.

Erza walked over and hugged him. For once he didn't complain about being crushed against the cold metal breastplate. His head fell on her shoulder, hiding his tears.

"Come." She pulled him toward the door.

At the threshold, Gray jerked back and stared at the unmoving pink head.

It shouldn't be like this. Natsu's skin was as tough as dragon-hide. Gray loved that: it's what gave him the freedom to go all out with Natsu. This—this shouldn't be possible. Gray knew he was good, his ice magic was strong, but even he wasn't _this_ powerful. Natsu had faced far worse with less damage.

 _You_ let _me do this to you. I am going to kill you._

Gray froze. Maybe he had already killed him.

_Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck—_

Erza took his hand and led him out.

* * *

Erza led Gray by the elbow, but let go when they reached the main hall to minimize his embarrassment. He kept his head down as they entered, dark bangs hiding his face.

He'd only let out one heavily-stifled sob and seemed to have himself under control now. He nevertheless looked like death.

She took him to the industrial sink in one corner behind the bar and turned on the water.

"Wash."

Gray put his hands under the stream mechanically.

"Soap," she said, putting the bar in his hands.

He very slowly started to scrub at the dried blood.

Erza glanced around. Looks shot their way, but nobody was outright staring. Still, Gray looked about to fall apart and this wasn't the place.

She did a quick requip to get rid of her armor—it was hard to be comforting while encased in metal. Using magic made her realize part of why Gray seemed so empty: he was almost drained of magic power.

Gray washed off Natsu's blood with agonizing slowness. It took all her self-control not to reach over and help him like a lost child. Instead, she noted his wounds: besides the usual lacerations, his left shoulder was burned and red, and a dark stain showed through the right knee of his pants.

"Come," she said, turning off the water and tossing him a towel.

He didn't question her.

Once out in the street, she had to keep her eye on him as Gray didn't seem able to avoid tripping over people and objects in his path. Finally they turned onto a familiar street and Erza pushed him up a flight of stairs.

At the landing, Gray glanced around, noting their surroundings with surprise.

Erza knocked on the door. "Lucy. It's me."

A beautiful blonde head peaked out, then the door swung wide. Despite the circumstances, Erza's heart jumped at little at the sight of her.

"What happened?" Lucy asked, her smile quickly replaced with worry as she watched Gray fall into a chair.

Erza leaned heavily against the closed door. She took Lucy's hand and drew her next to her, both for comfort and so she could speak in a low voice.

"He and Natsu got in a fight. An _actual_ fight."

"How bad?" Lucy whispered, watching the boy put his forehead down on her table.

"I don't know what happened exactly, but Natsu was wounded. He's in the infirmary: Porlyusica's on her way."

Lucy's jaw dropped and her eyes grew huge. There was no need to say how bad it was; Porlyusica coming into town was almost unprecedented.

Gray was off in some other world. Since they were effectively alone, Erza lifted Lucy's hand to her face and held it there.

Lucy, the girl with a heart big enough to fit the world, gave Erza the most comforting, understanding smile and pressed her cheek. Then she walked over and got the silent Gray a glass of water. He stared at it. Lucy sat in the chair next to him and put an arm around his shoulder.

"It's okay," she said.

Gray nodded and took a drink.

Erza didn't know how Lucy did that. How she got people to move and respond, lifted people up out of their dark places, and was neither chipper or forceful, but _kind_.

Lucy was a different kind of human from the usual Fairy Tail stock. Special.


	11. Lucy's Memory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Light femslash ahead. I'm tired of sexuallyrepressed!Lucy. (Also, raise your hand if you think most of the characters are canon pan/bisexuals... Seriously, name someone who HASN'T commented on the hotness of one of their own sex.)

_Earlier..._

As she swept her apartment, Lucy found one of Gray's shirts Natsu had apparently stashed under her bed (the Salamander had a habit of stealing and hiding the ice mage's clothes) and spared it a glare. But the irritation was half-hearted. Lucy didn't really have mental space for anyone but Erza.

Erza, her new lover...

Lucy had been waiting for something to happen with the requip wizard for a while now. She wasn't sure how things would work between them: Erza was the dominant personality in any room she entered, but Lucy was also used to being in control of her relationships. She wasn't sure two controlling people could make it work.

What attracted her to Erza was the girl's carefully-buried vulnerable side. Erza kept the secret locked away inside her armor, but Lucy had gotten glimpses: the girl who wanted someone who didn't need her to be strong—or weak—but just herself. Lucy thought Erza wasn't as dominating as she pretended.

Even if both girls _were_ dominant, that dynamic worked for Natsu and Gray, right? Granted, they tried to kill each other a little too often for Lucy's taste. Yet they seemed to have an otherwise functional pseudo-relationship.

That gave her hope. Because she still wasn't totally sure what this...thing with Erza was going to turn into.

For the first time in her life, Lucy had been the one waiting for the other girl to make a move, say something. But then the redhead had snuggled up to her (like always) in their room at the ryokan, warm and solid and perfect, and as Lucy watched Erza fall asleep, she couldn't take it anymore.

With Erza breathing softly on her cheek, Lucy decided: she was going to figure out how to ask Erza out.

Erza looked so peaceful and _normal_ when she slept. She dropped her tough-girl exterior. She was beautiful and strong, hard muscles and a thoughtful smile. Heart pumping, Lucy couldn't resist kissing Erza on the forehead. Despite her gentleness, that had awoken the other woman.

Erza worked through the grogginess of sleep and peered at her with uncertainty. Lucy couldn't get the words out fast enough: _Can I kiss you?_ Erza's answer was a vehement nod. The questions kept coming: _May I touch you here? May I take this further?_

In the space of ten minutes, Lucy went from kissing her into the futon til they were clutching at each other; to running her hands over Erza's toned abs and Erza cupping her ass while desperate need filled Lucy's belly; to hearing Erza's gasped words, "do anything you want to do to me;" to mounting Erza and unbuttoning her top to trail kisses down her breasts; to stripping her both naked and licking Erza into oblivion while the woman groaned Lucy's name.

It wasn't quite how Lucy did things normally. She liked to take care of her lovers, make sure they were being satisfied in all the ways they needed. Consequently, there were things she needed to know about a person before making love with them.

So she took them out and asked them straight up. Was this one-time, occasional, exclusive, inclusive? Were they looking for companionship, kinky sex, someone to talk to, a full-blown relationship, romance, non-sexual cuddles...?

She'd done it all, from being the dom in a threesome to being an exclusive, non-sexual date partner. About the only thing she _hadn't_ had was a 'normal' boyfriend or girlfriend.

Lucy always discussed everything first, so everyone was clear about where they were going. Miscommunication was a bitch.

But this...she didn't know where this was going.

Lucy had kissed Erza softly through the aftershocks of pleasure, and then there'd been a quiet moment of heavy breathing, Erza running her hands through Lucy's hair.

"That...was..." Erza broke off, airless and speechless. She looked over at Lucy with a reverent, luminous smile.

Lucy stretched out on top of her, throwing an arm and leg protectively across Erza's torso.

"Was it just me," Lucy asked with a grin, "or was that fast? That seemed fast."

"That was fast," Erza laughed. "Nobody's ever made me come in under ten minutes before. Holy _gods_ , Lucy."

The way Erza said _Lucy_ made her want to go down on the requip mage again.

While Lucy chuckled in a very unladylike way, Erza's fingers had found their way inside the hem of Lucy's underwear.

"Oh fuck." Lucy couldn't help it: the words tumbled out. She was so ready and Erza was incredibly skilled with her hands. The other girl slipped a finger inside of her and, finding plenty of room, pushed in two more. Her palm ground across Lucy with every thrust.

_Holy shit, holyshitholyshit…_

It had been heaven, the way Erza cupped and played with her breast, and the way she tugged on Lucy's bottom lip, every kiss somehow more passionate than the last. Lucy thrust against her like the world would end.

With a strangled grunt, she'd come into Erza's hand. She was gasping against Erza's neck, the world around her fuzzy and warm. She kicked her underwear off the rest of the way so her sweaty body lay open to the air.

Erza reached up to caress her face. She looked like she was about to speak, but then she just whispered, "I don't know what to say."

"That's my fault," Lucy said with a tender laugh. "I didn't mean to go this fast. I mean, one thing led to another because both of us damn well wanted it, and I don't regret this at all, but—"

Erza's eyebrows contracted at the word. Lucy noted her stiffness immediately.

"No!" Lucy exclaimed, running her fingers through Erza's hair. "It's not that! _Erza_. You're amazing. I want to be good to you. What I'm trying to say..."

She took a deep breath.

"In my head, if I had planned this, I would've asked you out first. I would've seen if you were interested— _what_ you were interested in... I want to make sure everything is what you want. Erza, I—" Lucy stopped and swallowed. Time for post-coital truth. "I like you. When we get back to town, can I take you out?"

Lucy realized her heart was pounding as hard as when Erza's fingers had slipped inside her. She was anxious as hell.

She wanted to move her hand up to see if the pulse in Erza's neck had sped up or not, to get some kind of physical affirmation. But she stayed still: it was Erza's turn to make a move.

 _I like you._ Now Lucy felt like the vulnerable one.

Erza slowly caressed Lucy's arm. Up and down, up and down, like a nervous tic, though a pleasant one.

"I'd like that," Erza said softly.

"Going on a date?"

"Yes. And more."

Lucy didn't have to look at her to know Erza was as anxious as she was. She wrapped her arms tightly around the redheaded wizard— _my wizard_ —and sighed.

"I like you a lot, Erza," she murmured, leaning to kiss the girl's ear. "I don't want to hurt you. I want to take care of you."

"You can't hurt me," Erza whispered back. "You're Lucy."

* * *

Lucy rubbed herself harder. Even just the memory of last night got her wet, and cleaning house was abandoned in favor of stripping off her skirt and masturbating on the bed. The apartment was mostly cleared up anyway.

Slipping a hand into her shirt, she flicked her fingers across her hard nipple. Gods, why couldn't Erza be here right now? Lucy massaged her clit with an expert hand until the tension between her legs burst, soaring through the rest of her body in a wave of pleasure.

Rolling onto her side, she rested her head on the windowsill and watched leaves spiral past on the breeze.

Late autumn was her favorite part of the year.

Movement in the street caught her eye. She recognized that familiar gait even before she could make out the flaming red hair. _Erza!_

Someone else was with her: the shirtless, gangly figure of Gray. Lucy sighed. He seemed to have bad luck for ending up as third wheel.

She had wondered why he hadn't come back into the room last night. She half considered if perhaps he'd heard some of their sounds—Erza wasn't exactly quiet when she climaxed. _That's what happens when you leave us unchaperoned._

Pulling on underwear and pants, Lucy hurried to finish cleaning and put the last few things away. Not a few minutes later, her lover was knocking on her door.

* * *

Lucy could see right away Gray was not doing well. He was exhausted, beat up, nearly out of magic, and displaying all the symptoms of shock. His hand shook as he took a drink of water. The best remedy for shock Lucy knew was tea and a hug, but in his current state, sleep seemed more imperative.

Putting a hand on his shoulder, she said, "Gray, go lie down on my bed. I promise this once I won't get upset about bloodstains."

He startled and quickly inspected his palms for some reason. Then he noticed, apparently for the first time, that he had scratches and bruises all over his body.

"Did you not get healing?" Lucy asked, realizing that wasn't just old blood. "Your shoulder—"

She stopped when Gray put a shivering hand to the raw skin above his left arm, and after a moment a thin sheet of ice crept across the wound. He made no other move, just let his hand drop back into his lap.

"We won't let you sleep too long," Lucy added, hoping her soothing tone would get him moving. "We'll all check on Natsu as soon as possible, but please lie down for at least five minutes. Otherwise Erza and I will be the only ones to make it all the way to the guild."

"Mm," he said, the first communicative sound she'd heard from him yet. He stumbled to the bed and lay down, curling up with his arms around his middle.

He was asleep within thirty seconds.

They let him stay that way for the next half hour. The two women curled up together in silence, heads leaning together, Erza running her fingers back and forth across Lucy's arm.

Finally, Erza said, "I can't wait anymore. I have to go back to Fairy Tail and find out what went on."

"I'm coming with you."

They both glanced at their comrade.

"I guess we should wake him up?" Erza sounded doubtful. "I don't want to just leave him..."

"I can solve that."

Lucy already had a key in her hand. A burst of starlight resolved into Loki.

"Lucy. Erza." Loki bowed grandly before gazing around. "I don't think I've actually been in your apartment before, Lucy."

"I have a strange favor to ask," Lucy interrupted, slightly embarrassed about her request. It was a far cry from the normal tasks she needed him for.

"Anything." He followed her hesitant gaze and saw Gray, forehead creasing in genuine concern. "Back from a rough job?"

"We're not entirely sure what happened. Natsu got hurt badly. I want to go check on him." She glanced at the bed and its occupant again. "Could you watch over him while we're gone?"

"Of course." Loki walked over to the sleeping boy, ran an affectionate hand through his hair, and asked, "Is he injured?"

"Just out of magic power," Erza said.

"And..." Lucy coughed. "He just shouldn't be left by himself."

"He's being an idiot," Erza explained.

"Ah." Loki nodded his head as if this explained everything.

"He's in shock!" Lucy protested.

"Same difference," Erza grunted. "He's been completely out of it the past three days. If he can't get his shit together, he shouldn't be fighting people. Or going on quests, for that matter."

In lieu of argument, Lucy grabbed Erza's hand.

"Come on. We're going to the guild," Lucy said, dragging her toward the door. "Thank you so much, Loki!"

He gave another little bow, ending it with his most dazzling smile. Lucy heard Erza chortle in derision.

"Come on, lover," Lucy hissed as she pushed Erza out the door, "before you cause any trouble."


	12. Sleep-Walking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: for pressuring someone for sex; cutting; and self-harm.

Gray woke up to a well-lit room, Loki sitting across from him reading a book, and the slowly-returning memory of where he was and why. Loki glanced up as Gray took a deep breath.

"Good evening, handsome," Loki said sunnily. "Pleasant nap?"

Gray sat up, already perturbed by Loki's cheeriness. He didn't have the emotional reserves to deal with flirting right now.

"How long has it been?" Gray's throat was sore, making his voice low and grating. "Fuck." He sat up and grabbed the half-empty glass of water from the nearby table.

"Language, sunshine."

"Loki," Gray glowered at him, "I'm not in the mood."

Pushing his glasses up his nose, Loki scrutinized him.

"It's been about two hours since the girls left," the spirit said, more levelly this time. "Lucy was a little scared for your health and asked me to stay here."

The girls hadn't actually fulfilled their word about waking Gray up and bringing him with. Of course. They'd have some dumb, shitty excuse. If that excuse was pity, Gray would damn well throw up.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, he glanced around automatically for his clothes; he was missing his shirt. He didn't _really_ need it in order to go to the guild. Besides, if it'd been several hours, hurry was far more important.

"Looking for something?" Loki asked.

"No."

"You were attired that way when I arrived," Loki noted, reading the other boy's behavior with his usual accuracy.

Gray wasn't sure why that pissed him off, but he found his fingers fisted in the bedclothes.

Loki put his book down and stood up. "This is you we're talking about. I'm pretty sure you could walk through town naked at this point and nobody would react." He came to stand over Gray, a sly grin sliding across his face. "Except me, of course."

Gray closed his eyes, muscles clenching. _Don't punch him, don't punch him._

"We're still off right now. What I said last time—it still stands."

"I thought that was just because of Lucy." Loki's pout was audible. "I haven't slept with her, if that's what it's about. She has my key, but that doesn't mean I spend nights with her."

He was met by silence.

"Besides," Loki added, "a certain lady has her attention occupied."

It was a mark of how upset Gray was that he didn't ask how Loki knew about Lucy and Erza. Eyes still closed, he felt Loki's shadow fall across him as the orange-haired boy leaned closer.

"You're rather tense. You used to enjoy taking out your stress with me," Loki said. "...On top of me."

A heavy hand landed on Gray's shoulder.

Gray's eyes flew open as he jerked back. Safety had fled. He shot to his feet, the words _don't touch me_ on his tongue as cold filled his body.

"Don't startle me like that," Gray said gruffly, pushing past to pace the other side of the room. His voice was icy. "I called things off because I'm not interested."

He took a deep breath. This was Loki, he reminded the darker parts of his brain. Friends. Comrades. Remember?

"This isn't about your abilities," Gray relented. "Now isn't a good time for me. I don't want things to get...complicated."

"Please don't deny us for my sake," Loki said, perching on the bed in Gray's place, his tailored jacket showing off his chest and shoulders. "Come on, handsome. You know I can deal with hate sex or anything else. You can fantasize I'm anyone you want me to be." The lion spirit grinned. "I'll put up with quite a lot for a great fuck, as you well know."

Gray turned his back. This is not the conversation he wanted to be having, nor was this a person he wanted to be around right now. He wanted to get away and Loki was forcing him to crawl back through everything Gray's denial had neatly put aside.

"You just seem like you could use a distraction from life," Loki said. "And I haven't been on my knees in a while."

Gray wheeled around.

"Fucking gods, Loki!" he yelled. "Are you going to accept my 'no' or not?"

Loki paled.

"Of course, Gray. I would never… Holy shit, of course yes."

"Then. Fucking. Stop. Asking."

"Right." Loki swallowed. "I'm sorry."

"Good." Gray's hands clenched and unclenched, trying to keep his anger inside. "I don't want to injure someone else today."

The growled words made concern flicker in Loki's eyes.

"Gray-kun, what happened?"

"Nothing I'd like to talk about."

Loki would hear soon enough. All of Fairy Tail would hear soon enough.

"I've gotta go." Gray strode to the door. "I've got things to check on. See you later."

"Alright." Then Loki's tone went as gentle as a breeze. "If you need something, fucking it out or anything else, let me know."

Growling in frustration, Gray slammed the door behind him. If he were arguing with Natsu, the Salamander would either punch Gray to get him back to normal, or keep quiet in silent solidarity. Gray would much rather have someone like that, who believed he was strong, than someone who gave him room to be weak.

It's why he and Loki were never more than fuckbuddies.

Out in the street, the winter air wrapped familiar arms around Gray, soothing his cuts and the dark burn he discovered running across his shoulder. Natsu had gotten in a few good blows of his own.

Gray crossed his arms as he followed the cobbles of the street. He did feel better after sleeping. He supposed he should thank Lucy for that.

And if something had happened to the stubborn Dragon Slayer during that time, they'd have come and told him, right?

_Right?_

He sped up his steps.

When Fairy Tail came into view, he paused to dally in the shade of a shop across the street. As soon as he walked in, people would heckle him with questions. He didn't have the energy to deal with that. To control his anger and handle the shame.

He ducked around the rear instead.

He encountered no one as he entered the back. When he turned down the long hallway that led to the infirmary, soft voices reached his ears. He paused just outside the door.

"Stop whining, Happy," he heard Lucy saying. "You can stay here with Natsu, or even come stay at my apartment. You do not have to go home alone."

"Shouldn't one of us be here to make sure he actually stays in bed in all night?" Erza asked, much nearer at hand.

"There's no need," Mira replied. "Porlyusica gave him enough to knock him out until tomorrow morning. By then he should be halfway healed. Only the broken bones will take a while."

Gray leaned back against the wall breathing hard. Halfway healed. _Natsu would be fine._ Tension wooshed out of him like a pent-up river crashing down. _I didn't kill him._

As if. Nothing could kill that bastard.

Gray found himself smiling.

But that smile ached, because he didn't have the right to it. He'd done nothing to deserve feeling relief right now.

He was also still mad at Natsu for letting this happen. And he knew he didn't have a right to feel that, either.

"It's keeping him in bed the entire week that will be hard," Master said. "Natsu not move? Hmph. Porlyusica doesn't understand her patients as well as I thought."

"She gave me more of this," there was a shuffling sound, "if we need to knock him out again," Mira said.

"I can always chain him to the bed, too," Erza growled.

Gray sighed hearing the familiar attitudes of his friends. He was too ashamed to face any of them right now. Natsu was going to be okay and there were people who cared watching over him. People who cared for him properly.

"Happy, it's not your fault," Lucy's voice rose in frustration. "This would've happened no matter what."

_It's true._

There wasn't a world in which Gray didn't beat up Natsu. It was inevitable he would do something like this one day. Go too far and hurt his nakama.

He really didn't deserve to be in that room.

He left the way he came.

The walk to his apartment took him through cold and empty streets. Brown leaves coasted past his feet as the sky slid from icy grey to indigo.

Then he came to a place where the road was pocked with charred divots, as if the stones had been hit with superheated sparks. There were no signs of ice, but Natsu's fire left a mark on everything. A burn here; a pile of ash there. He and his rival didn't appear to have damaged much of importance, just roughed up the roads. Gray was actually impressed at their self-control.

As he strolled down an unfamiliar street following Natsu's trail of destruction, something white caught his eye. It floated by a wall like a ghost. He walked over and snorted. His jacket hung from the side of a building, snagged on a protruding strut.

He pulled it down and kept walking.

Eventually his wandering brought him home. He lived right on the edge of town, having chosen the place, he claimed, because of the low rent. But it was also a strategic spot: he could blend into town or escape into the forest as needed. Not that he was in frequent danger, but things like that were always on the back of his mind.

As he reached his door, his eye caught on the crack in the frame.

Gray stared.

It had been a long time ago. It was such an insignificant thing, but he knew exactly what it was from, because Gray wasn't clumsy and he'd only collided that hard with the doorway once.

He'd been bleeding badly, paying more attention to trying to make it stop than to where he was going. Snagged himself on the door frame as he crashed inside. Gashed himself so that by the time he got into the house, he had two dripping wounds to deal with.

It had been a bad day.

Gray was usually careful: never cut too deep in any one place. He always did different areas on his body so as to avoid notice and concern—even more imperative when you ended up clothes-less before an audience every day.

But that particular day, the memories hit him like stones crushing his chest. He couldn't get the feeling off his skin, like dead insects scuttling over him. Memories ripped at him with their fingers, searing, burning touches in places that made him want to scream.

So he'd gone out into the forest and dealt with it the only way he knew how.

Cutting filled the emptiness inside him. It made him feel in control. The pain was something, the only thing, to slice through the numbness.

Cutting dragged him out of the past, gave him something to focus on.

For some reason, he never cut in his apartment. It was always out in the woods. The wide sweep of nature just beyond his doorstep could lose him in its depths. It felt like no one could find him there. He was cocooned away, able to take his pain and deal with it somewhere where nobody could see, nobody had to hear, and nobody could come running to help him.

They couldn't help him. People knowing only made it worse.

Eventually, over time, he had stopped cutting and occasionally starving himself and replaced those with other ways of coping. Some healthy, some not. But he'd become aware of the toll self-harm took on his body: more of his injuries were self-inflicted than from working.

It was holding him back from being as strong as he could be. Strong enough to protect himself from getting hurt ever again.

Natsu was a part of his quitting too, inadvertently. He'd commented one day that Gray seemed to get more beat up on his quests and looked more sickly than Natsu did, and Natsu decided this meant he was a much better wizard than Gray. Natsu teased him about this for days, until Gray decided to quit.

And gave Natsu two black eyes.

That was the other thing: fighting the pink-haired boy gave him an outlet for his rage. It also gave him a place he was in control—safe. Nobody would overpower him, because around Natsu Gray always knew he was strong. He could hit and punch and kick, let the fury flood his brain, and know he wouldn't hurt anyone with his pain. He didn't have to feel guilty about hitting the Salamander.

Fighting made him feel things. It helped him feel alive again. Natsu gave him purpose.

Really, Gray hadn't gotten any less violent, he'd just stopped being violent to himself.

He fingered the notch in the door frame as he stepped across the threshold. He had to tear his eyes away as he closed the door.

It was strange, unfortunate, noticing it again. Today of all days. Because right now he felt nothing.

It was the sort of thing that used to make him cut. That used to, until three days ago, make him find Natsu and challenge him. The numbness set in, and Gray would give anything to feel again. A bloody lip was worth being human again.

Except right now he had an idea that any feelings would hurt in a big way. He _needed_ the emptiness tonight. He didn't want anything to wipe away the fog that cut him off from himself.

It helped dull the pain of knowing he'd just injured his best friend.

He'd rather have the meaninglessness and the knowledge he was damaged beyond repair. At least there, he didn't have to think or wonder anymore. He knew the truth about himself. _Broken._

Tomorrow, he would wake up and go to the guild and maybe go on a job. He would act like he was fine until one day normalcy became reality. One day he'd wake up and be a little less hollow.

He'd learned that was how it worked. He might be numb, but at least life moved on from the agony.

For tonight, though, he would stare up at the ceiling begging for a sleep that would evade him.

He had the fleeting wish he could close his eyes and wake up in a future where things no longer hurt so much.


	13. Finding Gray

Natsu groaned through a head full of clouds. A hundred smells assaulted him, digging their unfamiliar claws into his nose.

"Igneel?" he whined. And then, "Happy?"

"Natsu!" several people chorused.

His chest hurt. He couldn't remember why. And it smelled weird in here.

"Happy, why do I feel like someone stabbed me?"

"Because you got stabbed, Natsu," Lucy said.

Natsu blinked into a room that was not his own. Lucy and Happy sat on a bed next to him, a game of sugoroku before them. _I'm in the guild,_ he realized, as the odors resolved into traces of various Fairy Tail wizards.

"Were we on a job?" he asked.

"Natsu's lost his memory!" Happy shrieked. "Natsu, who am I? What guild are you in? How old are you?"

"Happy, Fairy Tail, and I don't know," he said, rubbing a hand over his eyes and wincing as the gesture pushed little shards of agony through his ribs. "Dragons don't keep track of birthdays, Happy. Everyone knows that."

He went to push himself up to survey them better.

"DON'T!" Happy and Lucy shouted. Lucy actually lunged as if to hold him down, but didn't know where to touch. Natsu could feel bandages all over.

"You're not allowed to sit up," Lucy said, expression wavering between sadness and doubt.

"Says who?"

"Says Porlyusica. And Erza will tie you down if you try to get up."

"Ah, she's all talk," he said, waving a hand meekly, but moving really did hurt. He was getting little flashes of memory; he'd had a great fight with Gray, and there'd been some battle, and he remembered being cold...

"Erza said you'd say that." Lucy raised an eyebrow. "She says if that's the case, she'll tie you to the bed naked and not let anyone bring you food."

"What!"

"Natsu," Happy interrupted, "do you really not remember what happened?"

Happy and Lucy focused on him, questions in their eyes.

"I remember..." Natsu said uncertainly. The memory was right there on the edge of his mind. Fighting. Ice. "Is Gray okay?"

He glanced around the room and saw no other beds occupied.

"He was more tired than injured." Lucy sounded subdued, and didn't meet his eyes.

Okay, the ice mage wasn't hurt. But he'd done something. Memories, bubbling right near the surface...

The Dragon Slayer narrowed his eyes.

"He brought me here?" he asked.

"Yes," Lucy said, glancing at Happy.

...Gray holding him... Then—

"Hey! He stabbed me!" Natsu shot up in bed a few centimeters—then reality kicked in and he fell back down keening. "Ow, ow, ow..."

"That's why you're not supposed to sit up." Lucy shook her head.

Natsu suddenly touched his neck.

"Where's my scarf?"

"Right here." Lucy patted the folded garment where it sat next to his pillow. "We didn't want it to get any more blood on it."

"Blood?!" he exclaimed, snatching it up despite the pain in his chest and turning it every which way.

"Levy wrote an enchantment that got rid of the stains," Happy said.

Natsu lifted his head the barest minimum and slipped the scarf around his neck, exhaling. He already felt a little better.

"Your pants were really torn up though," Happy said. "They weren't worth salvaging."

"My—" Natsu looked down. "Lucy, you pervert, you changed my clothes!"

"Someone else did it: I didn't touch you!" Lucy shot back.

Natsu growled at her (mostly to get a rise out of her—Lucy was hilarious when she was upset) while thinking about the team's true pervert. _Where is he?_

He strained down to peruse the white gauze crossing his chest.

"So what's wrong with me?"

"You have a hole in your sternum and you cracked two ribs," Happy answered with a little too much cheerfulness. "Also you bled a lot."

"There was also ice inside your chest," Lucy said, growing serious. "It was frozen inside you, in your organs." She shivered. "But Porlyusica melted it and healed all those bits. It's just the hole through your bones, now."

"Having holes in me hurts," he said, giving the bandage an experimental poke. He wheezed. "Shit!"

"Natsu," Lucy sighed. "It's going to hurt no matter what. Poking won't help."

"When can I get up?"

"Next week."

"NEXT WEEK?"

The door banged open and Erza strode in.

"I thought I heard you screaming." The requip wizard smiled. "Good morning, Natsu."

"Morning? What day is it?"

"Gray brought you here yesterday evening. It's almost noon."

"That's why I'm so hungry! I've already missed two meals."

"Plus you got hurt. That tends to make people hungry." Erza's expression was soft: she looked less likely to yell at him than normal. He should get himself injured more often.

"Well, I can't get up. You know what that means?" Natsu grinned and spread his arms. "Bring me food, servants!"

"Talk like that and I won't bring you anything," Erza growled, but Lucy stood up.

"I'm only doing this because you're bedridden," she said, glaring at him as she left the room.

Natsu started yelling a list of foods at her down the hall.

"You'll eat what I bring you!" Lucy shouted back.

* * *

By mid-afternoon, Natsu was bored. Sugoroku had lost its appeal. (Natsu had always had a hard time sitting still long enough to learn all the rules, so he kept losing.) He'd eaten what Lucy grumbled was a dozen meals' worth of food. Half a dozen people had stopped by, since apparently the whole guild saw Gray come in with Natsu unconscious. The Salamander was both proud and embarrassed.

The rest of his team had stuck around and were trying their best, but he really, really wanted out of the tiny room. _A whole fucking week._

Happy and Lucy set up what felt like the millionth game and started playing each other.

"Where's Gray?" Natsu asked, as off-hand as possible. The ice mage could probably amuse him out of his pain by coming up with something to piss him off.

"I'm not sure." Erza frowned, and her unease made Natsu shift on the bed. "He napped at Lucy's apartment for a little bit yesterday, but Loki said he left a few hours later, and he never came here. I'm hoping he went home and is sleeping it off."

"Did he get hurt?"

"No more than usual." Erza frowned at him. "Natsu, you're taking the fact that he stabbed you a lot more calmly than I expected."

He shrugged as best he could. "It happens. We were fighting."

Fighting for _hours_ , if they'd arrived at the guild in the evening. He hadn't intended for the fight to get that intense, but he was having so much fun pushing Gray to his limits. Besides, there was no way he was going to deliberately lose in the first half hour. The ice mage had to work for Natsu's surrender.

"No, it doesn't just happen. It _never_ happens." Happy glared. " Natsu, don't get hurt like that again."

"Don't worry, Happy." He grinned. "I don't plan to."

"Aren't you supposed to have tougher skin than normal people?" Lucy asked.

"Yup." He beamed, bearing pointed teeth.

"Don't rely on that fact holding for the next few days," Erza put in. "You got stabbed because your heat wasn't a match for the cold. The ice slid right through you without melting. It kept you from healing, too, until we forced some fire down your throat."

"Damn ice wizards," he laughed. "They need to learn how to chill. Get it? Chill?"

Erza gave him a flat look. "That doesn't even make sense, Natsu."

Lucy and Happy went back to their game shaking their heads, but Natsu could see they were trying not to laugh.

The next person to duck their head in was Gajeel.

"Heard you managed to get yourself frozen, fire mage," the other Dragon Slayer laughed.

"Did not! It's just a scratch."

"Yeah, I always crack my ribs when I get scratched. Oh wait, I don't, because I'm made of iron and I'm better than that."

Natsu scowled. "Don't intrude when I can't hit you."

"But that's the perfect time." Gajeel's smile broadened.

"You're having way too much fun with this. I should have Gray kick _your_ butt."

"Really?" Gajeel laughed in surprise. "You'd be okay with me knocking him out before you have a chance to get back at him?"

"I'm pretty sure he could survive just fine," Natsu said, giving Gajeel a flat look. "I bet he could beat you easily."

"Just because he beat you up doesn't mean he could beat me!"

"That's what you think."

Natsu stuck out his tongue and Gajeel did the same right back.

"Boys!" Erza yelled.

Gajeel turned to leave, looking victorious. "Grow a thicker skin, Dragon Slayer. Literally."

"That was a horrible pun!" Natsu shouted after him. He groaned to the room at large. "I really can't wait to fight again."

* * *

Gray finally went to the guild.

He hadn't slept. After showering and spreading a layer of ice over his torn-up knee and the oozing burn on his shoulder, he'd lain in bed staring at the ceiling like a soulless zombie.

And then, eventually, he had fallen asleep, at around two in the morning, snoozing dreamlessly for ten hours straight. He wandered into Fairy Tail in early afternoon, hands in his pockets, ready to face his fate.

Mages looked up as he entered. He didn't meet anyone's stare, but refused to hang his head either. For now, at least, he was still one of them.

He plodded up to the bar where Mirajane was pouring drinks.

"Where's Master?" he asked, keeping his tone quiet even though nobody else sat nearby.

A familiar voice cleared behind him. Oh.

Gray faced him, keeping his eyes on the floor. He waited for Makarov to speak first, but when silence stretched painfully long, Gray said quietly, "I'm at fault for what happened."

Still, Makarov just stared at him.

"I didn't mean to," Gray went on, voice low. "He wanted to fight, so I fought. I didn't think I could do that to him. If I'd known, I would never have attacked him."

"What happened to your shoulder?" Makarov asked. His stern expression still gave nothing away.

Looking down, Gray was surprised to see his shirt was still on. But a telltale swath of raw, shiny pink trailed down his bicep.

"A burn," he answered.

"Did you treat it?"

"Yes."

Makarov nodded, satisfied. "Were you intending to hurt Natsu?"

Gray took a deep breath and let honesty have its way. He was glad Mirajane had scooted further away, no one else in hearing distance.

"In the heat of the moment, yes, I did." Gray dropped his eyes and went on softly. "But in general, no. And not like this. _Never_ like this."

"You feel guilty?" Makarov's quiet words hardened.

Around a closed throat Gray managed to whisper, "Yes."

"Good." Makarov crossed his arms. "Gray, fighting is what families do. Sometimes, siblings hurt each other. When they do, it doesn't mean they're not still family. They have to learn to apologize."

"Hai." Gray let out a long breath. Before now, he might've considered 'sorry' the most painful word in the dictionary. But compared to what he was currently feeling, apologizing would be easy.

"Forgiveness is precious." Makarov raised an eyebrow. He looked like he had finished when all of a sudden his voice turned into a growl. "Also, if you do something like this to him a third time, a guilty conscience won't be your only problem."

Gray nodded quickly. He knew the old man could see the fear in his eyes, but he didn't care. It was pointless to hide things from his guildmaster.

"Thank you, Jiisan."

"Mm. Now get going."

The affection that lined Makarov's irritated words reminded him of a parent's hug. Gray found himself struggling not to cry in relief.

As he wended his way to the job request board, he had to contend with weak knees and a warmth spreading through him. He hadn't killed Natsu and he hadn't lost his family. Normal life would continue. He _could_ move past this.

"Gray."

He jumped as Erza intercepted him.

She smiled at him. "Glad to see you finally made it."

"Ah, yeah." He ran a hand through his hair. "I slept in."

He saw Erza's eyes glance down at the burn, but she just said, "Natsu isn't allowed out of bed for a week."

"I heard—"

"Gray!" Lucy exclaimed in delight, appearing at Erza's shoulder. "You look well-rested. Do you want to come to the infirmary? We're trying and failing to keep Natsu amused. He asked where you were."

Gray ran a hand through his hair again, massaging his neck. Did he want to see Natsu? Did he _deserve_ to see Natsu?

* * *

_A few minutes earlier..._

Natsu sniffed.

"Gray's here," he announced to the room.

Lucy looked confused, but Erza sat up, alert. The requip mage didn't ask, just strode out toward the bar, Lucy following her a moment later.

Happy's narrowed eyes pinned Natsu with suspicion.

"You could pick Gray out from all those other scents?"

Natsu shrugged. "Laki just arrived too, but none of you care about that. I figured the girls would want to know if Gray showed up."

He stared over at the card game Happy and Lucy had just started, trying not to fidget with the sheets.

"That's a bad hand, Happy," he noted, changing the topic.

"Hey, I can re-deal while Lucy is gone," Happy said eagerly.

Natsu grinned. "That's cheating."

He didn't pay full attention as the Exceed sorted through cards, chattering about which to replace.

"Is it worse if I look at Lucy's hand, too?" Happy asked. "I think that would be actual cheating. This is just...changing my luck. What do you think?"

Head cocked toward the hall, Natsu realized the question was directed at him and waved it off.

"Someone's coming," he said.

While Happy hurried to make his and Lucy's game look untouched, Natsu watched the door in impatience.

Erza reentered. Natsu waited a moment, but nobody followed her.

"Where is everyone?" the Salamander demanded.

"Lucy has to pay her rent in a couple days. Gray agreed to go on a job with her so I can stay with you. Lucy says goodbye, she'll be back by tomorrow, and don't do anything drastic or stupid in that time."

Natsu made a show of pouting. "But I'm so bored!"

"I'm still here," Erza pointed out.

"You're not very good company."

The redhead gave him a dangerous look.

"Remember, I'm here to make sure you stay _in bed_ in a _reclined position._ If you refuse, I may have to poke more holes in you."

Natsu, who'd been trying to catch a glimpse of his missing teammate down the hall, quickly dropped his head onto the pillow.

"Fine," he said, glaring at her impotently. Damn Erza.

_Where are you, ice princess?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kyogre asked what the other time was when Makarov threatens Gray about doing this "a third time." The first time was with the Dragonoid; Gray makes reference to it several times, how people thought he was being cruel to Natsu, but it was never made clear in the fic. Now you know! Thanks, Kyogre :)


	14. Stupid Confusing Boy

Erza was forced to drug Natsu that night.

It started out because he couldn't sleep. He'd spent the afternoon and evening in his own head, where it was boring and depressing. When night fell, he stared up at the dark ceiling thinking the same endless thoughts in a circle.

He remembered the whole fight with Gray and the details swirled around his brain, this punch, those flames—replaying over and over like a broken movie-lacrima.

Natsu also remembered his dream. Or hallucination, whatever it had been: the fevered, fuzzy thoughts which, now that he had a clear head, could obviously not have been real. But he'd either been too out of it to notice the unreality, or had wanted too badly for it to be true.

Stupid Gray. Confusing Dream.

And so Natsu couldn't sleep. But he couldn't keep gritting his teeth and letting his brain run in wild circles, either.

Erza had decided to sleep in the infirmary that night, as she knew him well enough to suspect he wouldn't stay in one place without supervision. Waiting until her breathing softened into a slow rhythm, Natsu began to push himself up.

He almost cried out.

He had not anticipated the sharp pains lancing through his ribs, the pressure on his lungs, or how the throbbing pain he'd felt all day turned into sheer agony. There was a hole in him, that was for sure.

But the Salamander kept pushing until, sweating and panting, he was sitting up in bed.

His heart pounded against his injuries. He wrapped his arms around himself: everything hurt, everywhere. He hadn't expected it to be this bad. But now that he was here, he might as well go the rest of the way. Besides, the worst was over.

He slowly swung his legs onto the floor.

No sooner had his feet touched down than Erza sat straight up.

"Natsu! What the hell are you doing?"

Before he could attempt to flee (it would've been a snail's pace anyway), she punched him in the stomach.

Falling backward onto the bed, the Dragon Slayer let out a long hiss and covered his chest with his hands. He bit down, tasting blood and not really caring: anything, anything to distract from the shocks shivering through him.

 _"Erzaaaa,"_ he breathed. "Gods, shit, get me ice, numb it, make it go away, something, fuck..."

Towering over him, Erza grabbed a glass of water by the bed and started adding something to it. Anger painted her every feature, made starker and more terrifying by the dark shadows and scant light.

"Drink," she growled, and had to practically pour it down his throat.

"It's not helping," he hissed as Erza roughly manhandled him back into a prone position on the bed. He let out a high-pitched scream and was thankful nobody else was there to hear it.

"Give it a few minutes to kick in," Erza said. "And for every one of those minutes, remember that this pain can get a hell of a lot worse. Don't you dare move again."

"I...won't..."

The burning fire inside him was pushing out the pain little by little, but he was experiencing something else too: drowsiness hooked him and pulled his eyelids down. Everything was heavy and he couldn't move—

* * *

Lucy thought Gray looked happier as they rode the train home from their successful mission. He was calm—not quite his usual laidback self, but at least a lot closer. He now noticed when people spoke his name and could even carry on a conversation.

The only time on the job he acted weird, actually, was when she called on Loki's help. Instead of disappearing after the three of them disbanded the kidnappers, Loki had turned to the dark-haired boy with a little smirk.

"Nice moves," he'd said. "And with the burn on your shoulder. I'm impressed."

"It's mostly healed," Gray said, shrugging and not looking at him. "Ice helps with that."

"Does it really?" Lucy interjected in surprise.

"Mm. It does for me, anyway. On other people, it might just stop the bleeding."

_You were burned badly enough to bleed?!_

"Probably depends on the person," Loki said amiably. "On someone hot like Natsu, I imagine ice does more harm than good."

Gray was silent. Lucy narrowed her eyes. Was Loki trying to piss Gray off, or did he just not know yet?

"Look out," Gray growled.

He put his hands together and a lance of ice shot at the celestial spirit. Loki jumped out of the way, but the weapon zoomed past where he'd stood to hit one of the kidnappers in the chest. The woman, who had just raised a magic-enshrouded fist at Lucy, fell unconscious.

"You're supposed to protect your key-holder, Loki," Gray said.

Loki looked bashfully at Lucy. "Are you okay?"

"Fine." She blinked. It wasn't like Gray to reprimand people, and it wasn't like Loki to _let_ people reprimand him.

But that was the only time Gray seemed off. Loki disappeared soon after and Gray returned to something resembling a taut calm.

When they reached Magnolia, Lucy went straight to Fairy Tail, dragging Gray with her by the force of her enthusiasm. He followed her through the hall, walked sluggishly into the infirmary behind her.

Gray and Natsu stared at each other.

"Hey, ice brain," Natsu said.

"Hey."

* * *

As Lucy told them—or at least, told Erza—about the job, Gray leaned against the wall by Natsu's bed. The ice mage was stripped to the waist, as usual, and Natsu could see the edges of a large scab wrapping around Gray's far shoulder.

For some reason, Natsu had a hard time looking Gray in the eye, focusing on his abs instead—which was not helpful. Gray surveyed him without blinking. Neither of them was listening to Lucy's account.

Natsu was tied down to the bed today. A rope crossed his shoulders, keeping him from rising. That had actually been his request. He kept trying to sit up automatically, and even without Erza's rough treatment, it hurt a lot. He just wasn't used to having to lie flat for hours.

"Bored of this place yet?" Gray asked.

"Yes." Natsu sighed and rolled his eyes. "Erza is the worst company."

"Natsu! I am offended you would say that," Erza interjected. Both girls were glaring at him. Oops.

"I've been saying it all day," he retorted.

"I am _not_ the worst company."

"She keeps hitting me," he told the room at large, eyes flitting up and catching Gray's gaze for a moment. Gray was still watching him without emotion.

"You keep trying to get up!" Erza exclaimed.

Natsu twisted his head away pointedly and looked at Gray.

"So? What happened on the job? How many people did you get to fight?"

At that, Gray's face quirked into a half-smile, and Natsu grinned.

"Five," Gray said. "Six if you count the one I had to knock out again because Loki didn't do the job right."

"You were awfully hard on him for that," Lucy said.

Gray shrugged without a hint of penitence. For a second, the pink wrapping around his shoulder became more visible. Natsu frowned at it.

"What—?" Natsu began, trying to sit up.

Pain and rope shoved him back down. Holding his breath, he gripped the sheets as the familiar agony rippled through him. He tried to keep his expression still. Gray could not see him weak like this.

Erza had her hands on her hips. "Natsu Dragneel, if you try that again, I'm tightening the rope until it hurts."

"Don't do that," Natsu said, managing (he felt) to keep his voice sounding ordinary. "I just forgot this once. Won't happen again."

He let out a long exhale, avoiding his rival's eyes as he did so. _I'm not in pain; don't say anything..._

"Erza, is hurting him further really going to help?" Lucy asked, rolling her eyes.

"I'm pretty sure pain is the only language Natsu understands."

As the two got in an argument about the proper treatment of invalids, Natsu looked up. Gray was _still_ staring at him.

"What's on your shoulder?" Natsu asked quietly.

Gray, of course, looked at the wrong shoulder.

"Uh, lint?" he said with a shrug, brushing off something invisible.

Natsu sighed. "Your other shoulder, icicle."

"Oh." Gray glanced down. "Nothing."

Natsu gave him The Look: the raised eyebrow that said, _don't treat me like an idiot_.

"Popsicle, I understand why you're not crowing about the fact that I burned you, but it's still disconcerting not having you trying to flay me."

Gray shrugged yet again. Natsu was getting really tired of that gesture. All the fight was gone from his best friend.

It made Natsu angry. Gray had no right. This wasn't how their rivalry was supposed to be: dead and trampled.

" Natsu," Gray murmured.

Then he stopped. Gray glanced over at the girls: their argument had gotten strangely impassioned, Natsu felt. They didn't seem to notice anyone else existed.

With Happy out getting fish, that meant the two boys were effectively alone.

"I'm sorry," Gray said.

Natsu's eyes just about popped out of his head. Not only at the words, but at the soft tone Gray said them in.

"What?" Natsu stammered.

"Geez, Natsu." Gray rubbed a hand across his eyes. He looked like a drooping plant. "I said I'm sorry."

Natsu stared at Gray with his mouth open. Gray stared at the floor.

"Baka, what for?" Natsu hissed. _Don't you get anything, cold freak?_

It was Gray's turn to give Natsu The Look. Gray's black eyes arrested the Dragon Slayer with the glint of dangerous self-hatred hiding in them. Natsu felt his stomach tighten in fear, but he wasn't quite sure why.

Gray pulled away from the wall.

"I've got to go," Gray said. "I hope you heal quickly."

He didn't even wait for a reply before striding to the open doorway.

"Gray!" Natsu called after him. Then, because the girls had turned, "Droopy-eyes!"

The boy in question paused on the threshold, looking at Natsu through his bangs.

"Come back tomorrow," Natsu said. "I'm not done with you, snow queen. Someone has to keep me entertained, or I'm going to go insane and burn this place down."

He had hoped for a retort. Hoped to finally get a little fire back. Instead…Gray smiled. The first genuine one since he and Lucy arrived.

Natsu's inner heat kicked into high gear, heart racing.

"See you tomorrow, then," the ice mage said, before walking out.

 _Stupid, confusing boy,_ Natsu thought, trying desperately not to blush.


	15. Revelations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haru_BloodWolf begged for more, so I'm posting TWO chapters today. :) So close to the end now! It'll all be out by the end of next week. *Gasp* Then I'll start posting the sequel. Tbh I really want to start posting it now, but spoilers.

True to his word, Gray returned the next day. Along with Lucy and Happy, he joined the effort in trying to keep Natsu from ripping off his bandages in desperation and running out screaming. Gray didn't make fun of Natsu as much as was usual, but Natsu still enjoyed his company. Gray was interesting in more ways than just the one.

The more his life seemed to return to normal, the better Natsu felt. That was good, because he was feeling other effects from being cooped up. He had a headache, while no amount of fire or food made his stomach stop feeling upset. The only positive was that he was allowed to sit up partially now.

On day four of Natsu's torture, Gray was sitting opposite him in the next bed, Happy curled up at the foot of it. All of a sudden, the ice wizard said, "Natsu, you're looking pale."

Lisanna walked in just as the words came out of his mouth.

"He's right," she said without preamble, causing Gray to stiffen. "You don't look good, Natsu."

"Hello to you too, Lisanna," Natsu said sarcastically.

"Oh hush." She rolled her eyes and turned to Gray. "We should take him outside."

Gray nodded, eyes on the floor.

Despite rising excitement, Natsu asked grumpily, "How exactly are you going to get me out?"

"Carry you." Gray stood up. "We just need some kind of flat surface."

"Don't use ice!" Lisanna burst out in a rush. "The cold, uh...until he's better, it's not good for him. Sorry, Gray."

Both boys frowned at her—Natsu because she was interrupting a perfectly wonderful plan. He was about to say, _I can handle it_ , when Gray interjected.

"I don't just have magic, you know."

Natsu looked up in surprise.

Ten minutes later, the Dragon Slayer was lying under a tree and blue sky, a board pressing into his back. Gray, Lisanna, and Happy sprawled around him.

Natsu was far more mobile than he'd been a few days ago, moving himself onto Gray's makeshift litter without help, despite Lisanna's offer. Consequently, his chest was throbbing and every breath ached, but it was worth it for the sunlight and the thousand scents of fresh air.

Feeling mischievous, he turned to Gray with a crafty smile. The other boy was leaning against a tree several meters away.

"Get over here so I can talk to you, snowflake," Natsu ordered. "Don't make a powerless invalid shout."

"You're hardly powerless," Gray snorted, but he moved closer. "I have a feeling I'm going to regret this. You have that face like you're trying to be devious."

"Has Lisanna told you what she did to you in Edolas?" Natsu asked.

"Um, no." Gray looked between them with a question in his voice.

Lisanna turned pink. "Gods, Natsu, honestly! It's not that big of a deal."

"She beat you up!" Natsu said triumphantly, ignoring her. "She fought you and won, you icy princess. Hah!"

Gray looked at Lisanna in confusion.

"It was Gray Surge. Edo-Gray," she explained.

"Oh, _that_ bastard." Gray smirked. "He seemed pretty pathetic to me."

"He's not that pathetic," Lisanna said. "They're not you guys, but the Edolas Fairy Tail was still strong."

"But..." Gray waved his hands, "he wore all those clothes! And was infatuated with Juvia!"

Natsu cracked up, which was more than a little painful, but he was enjoying the ice mage's fluster too much. Grinning, he pushed his rival further.

"Juvia is what you guys fought over, icicle."

"What?!"

* * *

Gray stared at the Dragon Slayer, waiting for an explanation for something this outrageous. Natsu looked at Lisanna, who just rolled her eyes.

"Lisanna went on a date with Juvia, and you fought her over it," Natsu said.

" _I_ did not," Gray corrected hotly. "He was a different person. _I_ would never do something like that."

He'd never do something violent over _Juvia_ anyway. As his eyes wandered over the bandages crossing Natsu's bare chest, he felt his face flush. Maybe he and Gray Surge had a few things in common.

Seeing Gray redden, the Salamander slapped the earth, laughter echoing through the trees. Gray couldn't help smiling.

"You never change, hothead."

Natsu beamed.

"Oh!" the fire mage said suddenly, slapping the dirt again. "Lisanna! What do you think of our Juvia?"

Now Lisanna was the one to go bright red.

"What?" she spluttered.

"She stalks Gray," Natsu explained, and Gray was surprised, because he didn't think Natsu noticed stuff like that. "Just saying, if you asked Earthland-Juvia out, our Gray would not fight you over it. I guarantee."

Gray coughed to cover his surprise. Looking between them, Gray felt like he was missing a vital piece of information. Lisanna and Natsu weren't...some sort of thing?

"That's good to know," Lisanna chuckled, "if it's true."

She stopped picking at the grass to look at Gray for confirmation.

Gray held up his hands and said, "All yours. Please."

Lisanna laughed at the desperate edge in his voice.

Gray felt like a tightly-coiled spring, reverberating with every loud chuckle that burst from the Salamander's mouth.

"Who wants to play the cloud game?" Natsu asked, changing topics in gleeful oblivion. "I always win at that."

"If you always win, why would we want to play?" Gray snorted, but he was already lying back in the grass to stare at the sky.

Natsu slapped Gray's head. "So you can try to beat me, dimwit."


	16. An 'Easy' Quest

On day five, they finally let Natsu get up. He was healing faster than they expected, they said. In reality, it was clear he was driving everyone insane and they just wanted him _out_.

Maybe it was being outside or simply laughing so much with his friends, but the pain had lessened considerably since the day before. Natsu could sit up all the way without feeling like his breathing was being cut off; he slept all night; and at lunchtime he stood up before Lucy or Happy could stop him and proved that he was fully capable of moving around as long as he didn't go too fast.

Lucy left him alone to get dressed. He was so eager to get out of the infirmary that he pulled his old bandage off his chest with a little too much vehemence. He winced, but nothing appeared to be bleeding.

"It's still deep," Happy said, staring at the weeping wound as Natsu rummaged around for new gauze.

"Nah, it's just skin healing now. I saw it the first day I woke up: you could see bone."

"Could not!"

"How else do you think the ice cut a hole in my sternum?" Natsu grinned. "It had to cut through the other stuff first."

While Happy glared at this reminder of his best friend's 'near-death experience,' Natsu probed the edge of the hole with a finger. It _was_ still pretty deep, the center of his chest swollen and purple.

He found it kind of awesome.

"Um." Gray had stopped short in the doorway.

"Hey, Gray, take a look." Natsu turned toward him. "Cool, right?"

"Very funny," Gray said, coming the rest of the way into the room, his expression dark. He avoided Natsu's eye.

"Stop sulking: this isn't about you. You already apologized." Natsu rolled his eyes. "Look at it! How often do people have holes in their chest like this? I think it's cool."

Gray shook his head, but he seemed to relax as he looked Natsu up and down.

"You know, you should either put on some pants or close the door."

"Says the stripper. At least I'm not naked like you always seem to be," Natsu teased as Gray gave a long-suffering sigh. "Anyway, I know you've seen other boys in their underwear, so stop pretending you're offended."

Gray blinked at him. His mouth opened and closed. Natsu just smirked.

"Also," Natsu eyed the ice mage, "you're wearing the same amount of clothing. You can't judge."

Gray looked down, startled. Natsu was honestly confused how Gray could not feel the draft down there as soon as his pants came off. But then, Gray didn't feel cold, so Natsu supposed that was forgivable. That suddenly made him curious about a number of other body-related temperature things. Did Gray not shrink up in the cold? If he were trying to deal with arousal, did he take a cold shower or a hot one?

Meanwhile, Gray was seething. "Gods fucking dammit."

"Don't know where your clothes are?" Natsu guessed.

"No," Gray growled.

Natsu snickered.

* * *

The next day, Natsu insisted he was fine for any job, but Erza would have none of it. She wanted to go on an _easy_ mission. When Lucy, Happy, Carla, Cana, and Wakabe all agreed with her assessment, Natsu had to give in, grumbling that the whole guild was against him.

Happy wasn't even coming with them—Wendy and Carla had asked for his help and he never said no when Carla was involved. So the four human members of their team picked something that definitely didn't require all of them and set out to do it anyway.

Also in deference to Natsu, they were walking instead of taking the train. Natsu was not complaining about that.

"We should walk every time," he said as they strode along, putting his hands behind his head—mostly because he could now. The pain was almost gone.

"We're only walking to this one because we can still get there, do the job, and make it back in one day," Erza said.

Or so they planned.

* * *

They completed the little job in no time at all and were heading back into the little village to get paid when something hurtled out of the trees. It was huge, twice the size of a person, and it slammed into Erza with full force, knocking the surprised warrior to the ground.

No sooner did the attacker land on Erza's chest than Natsu was breathing an inferno at it.

Gray whirled in the opposite direction, toward the source of the attack, and captured two more of the things before they could lunge. Hearing more crashes ahead in the forest, he sprinted forward yelling over his shoulder, "There are more!"

The things looked like piles of mud, sporting four limbs in an approximate human configuration. Despite their rough-hewn appearance, their lumpy clay flesh moved like something organic.

A startled human rushed up to them from the same direction as the creatures. Lucy nearly punched him in the face, but the man collapsed to his knees panting, "Help me!"

"What are these creatures?" Erza shouted, slicing at the one which had bowled her over, requipping, and slicing again. Her attacks were ineffectual, and Natsu's fire was doing equally little damage. The thing seemed to heal after every injury, regrowing as fast as they could hurt it.

As it wheeled on Erza, Natsu punched it in the back and made it stumble, giving Erza a chance to get a blade through it. In the blink of an eye, she'd diced it into twenty-something pieces.

That seemed too much for it to handle. At last it fell to the ground, so many chunks of lifeless, hardened earth.

"Well?" Erza growled at the man.

"They're golems I made," the frightened man squeaked. "They don't listen to me anymore! If you can get rid of them, I'll give you anything! Please!"

Glancing at her teammates, Lucy said, "We'll help you."

She summoned Taurus a couple seconds before a dozen more crashed through the trees.

The golems looked like rough statues made by a bad artist, but they moved with speed and had some intelligence. They surrounded the three wizards before attacking all at once. Some paces away, Gray was surrounded as well, his attempted counterattack failing due to their numbers.

There seemed to be never-ending supply of the golems.

Gray couldn't pierce them—his ice just shattered—but freezing them whole immobilized them. Meanwhile, Natsu's growls grew more and more frustrated as the man-made creatures showed particular resilience to heat. Erza requipped for speed and went as fast as she could, trying to cut them down before they could heal.

When Taurus' attacks proved futile, Lucy summoned Scorpio. They finally began getting somewhere as the spirit sand-blasted golems into clouds of dust.

The golems' owner cowered in awe.

"Th-they can change in response to their environment," he called out, as Natsu tried once again to melt one with his fist, only to get knocked back by a heavy kick to the stomach.

Gray, who was pulling back toward his comrades, reached the clearing in time to hear the remark.

"Natsu," he shouted, "look out!"

A spear of ice shot into the golem that was still glowing with Natsu's heat. The ice pierced right through him and the golem crumbled into pieces.

Catching on, Natsu blew more fire in Gray's direction.

When the rapid temperature change of their paired attacks took out two more, they grinned at each other.

* * *

As he fought back to back with Gray, Natsu tried to count how many of the things there were. It seemed a lot more than the fifty he remembered from that job posting.

When at last the team finished, turning the final golem into grit, the Salamander slumped down on hands and knees. Breathing hurt. His chest rattled with fluid.

He might have pushed it a _little_ too much.

Luckily, his teammates were occupied with the golem-maker. Behind their backs, Natsu took a minute to wince and gather himself.

"Thank you! Thank you!" The man was bowing to them over and over, unable to keep his eyes off Erza. "You're guild wizards?"

"From Fairy Tail," Erza nodded. "What happened here?"

"I built them for work," he stammered. "To help around the shop, work people's fields...I was going to sell them in town. But they had a problem where they just kept working. If I told them to build something, they built twenty. If I asked them to till a field, they kept going, ripping up forest until I gave them something else to do. So I programmed them to take breaks. But, um, that didn't work out."

"Just because they wanted breaks from work?" Lucy frowned.

"I programmed them to think they _deserved_ breaks. Then they started saying they deserved wages. Next thing I knew, they were saying they don't deserve servitude. They declared their freedom and when I tried to get them under control..."

"They went on a rampage. I see." Erza put her hands on her hips.

"I sent a request to the guilds!" The man said, looking terrified of her wrath, even though (Natsu laughed to himself) Erza wasn't even close to truly angry. "Two weeks ago I sent a request! But no one came. The golems started making more of themselves. I didn't know what to do."

Making more of themselves—that explained the numbers.

"You're lucky we showed up," Erza said. Turning her back on the man, she called, "Natsu, how are you?"

"I'm fine." Crouching on his heels, he looked up and grinned. "We got to fight things after all."

Gray bent over and offered him a hand up. After a moment's hesitation, Natsu took it.

On the plus side, he reflected, standing up didn't make his chest feel any _worse_. Aware of everyone's eyes on him, he dusted himself off and affected a nonchalant smile. He might have to take a day off when they got back. But just one.

"Natsu," Gray said in a low voice. He was staring at Natsu's chest.

The fire mage looked down. A yellow-brown spot had bled through his bandages.

"It's okay," he said. "Just sweat."

Ignoring Gray's look, he turned back to where the man was still talking to Erza. Natsu didn't need people taking care of him.

"At least take the reward, please," the man begged Erza. He was practically salivating over her. "Someone like you deserves everything. Please, let me pay you."

For some reason, Lucy was looking thunderous. She stomped over and put an arm around Erza's shoulders.

"Lead the way then," she said to him, her voice missing much of its normal amiability.

 _Jeez, Lucy._ She should've been used to people treating the other girl like this: it happened on most of their missions.

Coughing quietly, Natsu followed, trailing a little behind his friends. When nobody was looking, he peeled away a corner of his bandage and looked down.

A lot of puss coated the gauze. Swelling had increased, probably what made it hard to breathe. But nothing was bleeding, so he was fine.

He smiled as Lucy looked back at him in suspicion and hurried to catch up.

"It's a funny thing: I was going to take this job last week," he said, matching stride between her and Gray.

"By yourself?" his rival asked, incredulous.

"You think I couldn't have?" Natsu shot back. "Maybe I should demonstrate for you how I'd do it, ice princess."

Gray shrugged. He didn't even offer a responding insult.

"What stopped you from taking the job?" Lucy interrupted.

"This snowflake did," Natsu said, punching Gray on the shoulder.

Gray stumbled sideways and said nothing. He'd hit Gray's burned arm, too, and Natsu knew in normal times Gray would've repaid him doubly for that. Serious disappointment sank through his gut.

By the time the grateful golem builder paid them, it was getting toward dinner.

"Lucy's stomach is growling like a bear," Natsu declared. "We should feed her."

"Is not!"

"We should stay in town tonight," Erza said. "We'll find a place and then eat."

"Oh, come on." Natsu gave her a look. "There's plenty of light left for us to walk back."

"I would feel more secure if we stayed here for the night." Erza put an arm around him in a hard, metallic grip that was far more threatening than friendly. "So that's what we're going to do."

Natsu let out the deepest sigh he could muster without coughing.

"Whatever. There better be food. Otherwise," he bared his canines at Gray beside him, "I'm roasting whatever is nearest."

Gray just snorted.

Throughout the evening, Natsu continued trying to get a rise out of Gray. The ice wizard didn't so much as glare back, and he didn't call Natsu a single insult. Even when Natsu called him a pretty little ice princess, the other boy tightened his jaw but refused to make eye contact.

Even worse, Erza chose this mission to get two separate rooms.

"There goes the food money," he complained. "Doesn't Lucy have to pay her rent?"

"I'll be fine, Natsu," the blonde said with an inscrutable expression.

He gave up.

That was how he ended up sharing a room with Gray—and _only_ Gray—with not even Happy to act as mediator. _Or chaperone._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: "Restless Night." Only 3 chapters left!


	17. Restless Night

The night taunted Natsu.

After that long day, he should've been ready for sleep. The day's fight had weakened him, though there was no way in hell he'd admit that to anyone. His chest was throbbing and the sensation had resolved into a distinct kind of pain: cold and piercing. He'd eaten some fire at dinner, so all he could do was wait for it to kick in. Stupid ice wound.

Now, instead of offering rest, the night teased him with things he wanted and couldn't have. Though the ryokan's walls felt constricting to his monster sensibilities, they left an ocean between himself and Gray Fullbuster.

The boy was in reach, but Natsu wasn't allowed to touch him.

In the dark, Natsu's eyes ran up and down his sleeping companion's body. Gray had stripped to the waist, possibly beyond if history had any say, though the bedclothes sadly hid everything that lay below the ice mage's abs. The sharp V diving beneath the comforter was like an arrow to temptation.

The thick muscles of Gray's chest rising and falling, and his black hair mussed over his face, were agonizing. His arm sprawled so that one hand lay perilously close to Natsu's pillow. Gray's palm lay open, fingers slightly curled.

It was fucking torture.

Natsu tried to stare at the ceiling instead, but in the silence, he could hear everything: the wind outside, the tiny gurgle in his stomach as he wondered about breakfast, Gray's rhythmic breathing, and even the strong beat of the ice mage's heart.

Gray's pulse sprinted like a gorian trying to escape, loud and insistent.

Natsu wondered if Gray were having a nightmare like he sometimes did—when the boy would kick his covers off and make fists in his sleep. Or maybe he was having a good dream, something pleasant for once. Gray deserved it.

Gray's smell was filling him: that unique scent that made Natsu want to claim _mine_. The smell that got him worked up and ready to fight—the one that made him want to pounce.

Upset that he was not obeying this instinct, his body boiled with aggravated fire. It made the pain in his chest dim, but it didn't help much when he knew exactly why he felt hot all over.

Staring at the ceiling wasn't helping.

Hour by hour, Natsu watched a triangle of reflected moonlight slide across the wall. He listened to Gray sleep, his heart stopping every time the ice mage shifted. He tried and failed not to think about the boy beside him.

Natsu's eyes were still open when dawn spilled into the room.

* * *

Gray couldn't sleep. He couldn't blame it on Natsu since the Salamander was, for once, not snoring. He couldn't blame it on the job, because his muscles were tired enough. He couldn't blame it on food or illness or even teammates loudly fucking each other (though he was not as innocent as Natsu and knew exactly what was going down in the other room).

In the end, he decided to blame the Dragon Slayer after all. The boy wasn't snoring, but he was still breathing loudly, huffing every now and then.

Moreover, Natsu was hot. The room was far more oven-like than usual: possibly the Salamander's fire had kicked up in response to his injuries, because it was sweltering. Gray couldn't throw off the comforter because he could feel he was naked underneath and, um, no. Not in front of Natsu. _The man is hot in other ways and that situation would just get embarrassing._

So he closed his eyes, breathed deeply, and tried to do everything that would lead to sleep. He tried to meditate, but his mind spun, busy and active and powered by adrenaline.

The same thoughts going round and round.

Did his apology and Natsu's forgiveness make them okay; could he just go back to the old ways; or was there a better option; why did this have to matter; and for gods' sakes his body needed to calm the fuck down.

He dozed off at some point, long after midnight. It was a light sleep, troubled by interminable restlessness, and when he woke up shortly after dawn, he ached for Natsu's body against his. The craving felt like the most natural thing in the world.

_Fucking infatuation._

* * *

Natsu sat up quietly and set about changing his bandages before Gray woke up. He'd had quite a time trying to hide the action from his teammate the night before. The wound wasn't pretty—swollen and wet—and nobody needed to see that. Especially someone who didn't need much excuse to see him as frail and inadequate.

Covers rustled behind him and Natsu jerked.

"Good morning," Gray mumbled.

"Morning, popsicle." Natsu kept his back turned, wrapping the bandage as quickly as he could. "Sleep well?"

"Mm. You?"

Natsu stifled a yawn. "Yup."

After a moment, Gray rose and—if Natsu could guess by the sounds—pulled some clothes on.

As Gray crossed the room, he brushed Natsu's arm. The Dragon Slayer felt his chest seize up with a spike of pain, cold and hot together.

The sensation didn't diminish after Gray's touch. Natsu grit his teeth, schooling his face and staring down at the white cloth covering his injury.

It wasn't supposed to do that: Gray's mere presence wouldn't affect his wound. They had told him his heat would be weaker in that spot until the bone regrew and it might feel weird from time to time. There was nothing magic could do about that: he just had to eat fire and be patient.

Natsu growled low. He should be thankful his bones only needed a few more days, since without healing magic it would take much longer, but as a fire wizard the chill in his chest felt like a fatal flaw. He couldn't wait until the thing was over and he could go back to being hot again.

He hated being so weak.

* * *

Gray couldn't help noticing how haggard Natsu looked—like he'd gone backward several days in his recuperation. Gray didn't say anything, not wanting the proud boy to think he was worried over him, but he kept his eye on the Salamander all through breakfast.

Natsu kept finding excuses to get up and walk past the fire grate so he could inhale a few flames when he thought no one was looking. Gray snorted.

Lucy and Erza, on the other hand, looked positively glowing. They grinned at each other at random times, handed each other things, and hardly seemed able to notice their teammates.

As they all hiked out of town, the two girls walked slightly ahead, giggling about something private. Natsu was staring at his toes and thus lagging a few paces behind, so Gray kept pace with him, but he could think of nothing to say. Silence felt awkward, like it was all his fault.

At a break in the girls' laughter, Gray called up, "So when did you two start hooking up?"

The girls stopped dead. Everyone stared at him, Natsu in confusion and the girls in various states of blushing denial.

"We're not—" Erza started.

"Give me a break. Yes you are."

"On our job last week," Lucy finally admitted. Natsu's mouth fell open in a giant 'O.' "The day before—um, things happened." She waved a hand at Natsu's chest.

"You left to walk home, Gray," Erza stuttered in defense. "The room was empty. So...yeah."

"Why do you think I left?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Erza turned the same color as her hair. Lucy began coughing uncontrollably.

Gray snorted. "Apology accepted for kicking me out."

"Wait, wait, WHAT?" Natsu's reaction finally caught up. "You're together?"

"In one sense of the word," Gray said snidely.

"In _all_ senses," Lucy said, giving him a fierce glare. "We just haven't told the entire freaking world. Natsu was hurt and life was too busy, so we didn't say anything."

"Ew," Natsu said, head in his hands, "so that's why you wanted your own room. Oh gods. Ew."

Stifling a laugh, Gray glanced over at his partner. Natsu's hands covered his eyes, but between his fingers his skin was bright pink. A shudder ran through Natsu's body, muscles contracting.

For some reason, Gray was finding it hard to breathe. The Dragon Slayer's embarrassment was captivating.

"Natsu, if you dare say 'ew' again, I will skewer you and have Aquarius wash you out to sea," Lucy growled.

It took another hour for the girls to stop acting self-conscious. Natsu's infantile behavior seemed to help. He blushed almost as much as they did and couldn't seem to get over the idea they were 'doing it.' Gray just shook his head, unsure whether that was endearing or annoying. Sometimes Natsu was childishly innocent.

When they reached Magnolia a couple hours later, the two girls split off, now without pretense, to go to Lucy's apartment. Natsu paused at the street corner, and Gray waited, watching him.

Natsu's eyes wandered the horizon as though searching for invisible things. He was sweating and breathing hard. Gray was a little concerned. Yesterday's fight seemed to have been too much for him.

"Do you need me to walk you home?" Gray asked, except the words got stuck and came out in a garble: "Doyneemewalkyome?"

"What?"

Gray put a hand over his eyes. _Slow breaths, Fullbuster._ "I'm walking you home. Don't hate me."

He hooked an arm under Natsu's shoulders and led the way down the street. After a few minutes, Natsu's voice came calm and quiet.

"I don't hate you."

"Oh."

There was a long pause.

"I don't hate you either," Gray said. He found his body heating up, which Natsu, pressed against him, could undoubtedly feel. He added, "Just wanted that to be clear. Jiisan said forgiveness is precious. I forgive you for...you know."

"Saying I hate you?"

Gray heartbeat was erratic. "Yeah."

"I don't hate you, Gray," Natsu repeated.

Gray didn't know what to say next, so he let the silence linger. His chest was expanding with the light, airy feeling of victory. Like something good had happened, which was stupid. He felt like he'd achieved something important, gained something he wanted. They'd cleared the air and Natsu didn't hate him, despite having full rights to do so by now.

Natsu tripped over his feet and tried to fall away from Gray, who held on.

"This sucks," Natsu grunted as Gray hauled him upright. "I hate being dependent on people."

"Stop whining: it's insulting. You almost never need help. You'll be fine in a few days, right? We won't have to do this much longer."

Natsu felt silent and Gray assumed he was focusing on keeping his feet moving. Natsu's next statement almost made Gray fall over.

"You're right."

"What?" Gray spluttered.

"I'm sorry I attacked you and let you do this to me."

Gray tensed. Natsu was burning up against his arm, radiating enough heat that Gray's side was slick with sweat. Gray licked his lips.

"I don't understand a word you just said." _It was my fault, I was mad, you are not to blame, and I already said I forgive you anyway._

"I was trying to let you get back at me. C'mon, you don't think you could actually hit me like that, do you?" Natsu smiled, like there was a joke hidden in all this. "I let you win, snow queen. But I'm sorry it got out of hand."

"You...I..."

Gray broke off in frustration. It's not that he wanted to persuade Natsu that Gray was indeed guilty of almost killing him, but he wasn't able to let go of his guilt, either. Natsu couldn't just take it away from him. Gray was culpable and he needed to feel that shame so he never fucking did it again.

Natsu's shoulders started shaking. It took Gray a moment to realize the Dragon Slayer was laughing.

"What now?" Gray asked, harsher than he meant to.

"Pretty stupid, right?" Natsu laughed. "I give you an opportunity to kill me—you were nowhere close, by the way—instead of me just apologizing."

Gray stopped walking and stared at him.

"You know what Elfman would say?" Natsu chuckled, breathless. "He'd say 'real men apologize.' I failed that one, huh, icicle?"

Mouth open, Gray wasn't sure what to say. He didn't know this Natsu. A Natsu who not only admitted a mistake, but laughed about it.

The laughter reached a certain spot in the Salamander's chest, his side contracted against Gray, and he broke off coughing.

Filled with the flashback of carrying a bleeding, unconscious Natsu through the streets, Gray gripped Natsu tightly and hissed, "Don't kill yourself, fire face."

"I'm fine," Natsu said, still laughing and coughing intermittently. "I'm not dying. Cool down. Get it—cool down?"

Gray rolled his eyes to hide the fact that his heart was still beating wildly.

"For your information, I can't _feel_ the cold but I'm not _actually_ cold," Gray said. "My body is warm like a normal person's."

"I noticed," Natsu replied, and Gray's face flushed. He was supremely glad Natsu was staring down at the street in happy fascination, as there weren't any nearby holes for him to crawl into.

The Dragon Slayer let out another weak cough.

"Home," Gray said gruffly.

He kept his hold on his rival as they crossed town, Natsu's arm looped around his neck. They climbed the low hill at the edge of Magnolia and walked past the cheerful sign declaring, _Natsu & Happy_.

"Gray," Natsu said as Gray disentangled their arms on the doorstep, "You should call me names again. It's weird that you don't."

A startled laugh burst out of Gray, like birds exploding from a hedge.

"What, like slant-eyes?"

"Yup."

"Hothead? Flame brain? Hot fiery ball of chaos and disorder?"

"Just like that, ice princess." Natsu grinned.

Even despite his bewilderment, Gray felt himself uncoiling. There was a levity deep down, heavy spaces made light.

"Whatever you say, you troublesome hairball," he laughed. "See you tomorrow."

He turned to go.

Natsu grabbed his arm, pulled him back, and kissed him.

It wasn't like Galuna Island. This kiss was slow and warm. Natsu nipped Gray's lip, body radiating the heat of a bonfire. Gray's pulse skipped. Energy buzzed through him like he'd been struck by lightning, freezing him in place.

Before Gray could take a breath, Natsu pulled away, darted inside, and slammed the door.

Gray was left standing stupidly with one hand out.

He blinked at the door, unsure if he should respect the man's privacy or bang on the wood and demand to know what in hell just happened and what did it mean and why, why, why did Natsu keep doing things like this.

_You didn't even give me a chance to kiss you back, asshole._


	18. Between a Rock and Something Hard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Penultimate chapter! I made myself cry twice today while working on the sequel. I really hate torturing these boys. But you guys will like the chapter below; I'm being nice to them for once. :)

Natsu wrapped his bandages tighter that morning in preparation for getting beat up.

He'd done it again, fucked everything up, but he was ready to face the backlash humbly this time. Assuming there would be backlash. Gray had been different recently: not taunting him, not fighting him, and not even touching him except when Natsu was pathetic and needed help.

It felt like Gray had given up on their friendship.

So Natsu had pushed, trying to get things back to normal. That pushing had just gotten him into the usual trouble as his instincts kicked in and instead of punching or teasing, he'd kissed the other boy without even thinking about it. As if it were normal for best friends to make out.

That was _not_ the way to hold onto a comrade. Natsu tried telling his instincts that to no avail. He was certain if the exact same situation arose, he'd kiss Gray again. Was this some sort of dragon thing: trying to be possessive over a romantic interest?

If things went well today, Gray would fight him and that would set everything to rights. It's how they'd worked past the embarrassment that was Galuna Island.

Natsu was not going to be stupid this time and let Gray puncture more organs, of course. A simple fistfight would be enough. He was willing to goad as much as necessary to make it happen. He was armed with creative insults he'd come up with over the course of yet another sleepless night.

He got to Fairy Tail, sat at the bar, and waited for Gray.

He waited as Happy chattered away. He waited as Mira asked if the hole in his chest was gone yet.

He flicked at least a thousand covert glances at the doors.

He was finishing off a large serving of fire and yakitori when Gray came in at last.

Chin up, black hair slanting across his handsome face, Gray scanned the hall. He spied Natsu and stormed over.

Natsu discovered his clever quips had fled. As Gray stalked up to him, he swallowed, stomach clenching.

The Salamander couldn't read his rival's face.

Gray didn't halt: grabbing Natsu by the wrist, he headed straight for the door, dragging Natsu off his stool. Natsu found himself stumbling to catch up with Gray's fast pace. The ice mage's grip was as hard as his magic.

"Don't hurt him, Gray!" Mira shouted in alarm. "Be careful! Don't injure each other and don't destroy anything!"

Offering no reply, Gray pulled Natsu out behind the guild toward a copse of trees. Natsu sincerely hoped he'd get a chance to raise a defense before Gray hit him. His breath was coming in painful little bursts.

They rounded a tall boulder, and on the other side, Gray shoved him against the rock. Natsu's head almost hit stone, but Gray had his hands on either side of Natsu's face, holding him still as Gray gave him a hard, forceful kiss.

Natsu couldn't help it: he squeaked. His eyes were wide and startled, so when Gray released that black stare, Natsu came face to face with the boy he liked. _Who was kissing him._

Natsu closed his eyes and slid his hands up Gray's sides, pulling him closer.

When Gray bit his lip, Natsu gave a feral growl, biting Gray back and opening his mouth to the ice mage. Gray's tongue dove in eagerly to trace Natsu's fangs. Hearing Gray's heart banging louder than ever, Natsu tongued him right back, fierceness and jealousy rumbling in his throat.

Gray was breathing swift gusts against his cheek. Natsu didn't think _he_ was breathing at all. He was only just starting to remember he had a body—that he was more than just the places where Gray touched him. As his tongue flicked the inside of Gray's mouth, Gray captured it and sucked on him.

Natsu lost himself.

Slowly it pushed into his awareness: the hole in his chest throbbed in step with his heart. He was just starting to get lightheaded when Gray bit him again and pulled back.

"Can I keep going?" Gray asked, his voice wrecked.

"Yes!" Natsu gasped. _Screw chest wounds._

At a disconcerted mutter, both their heads spun to the side.

A dozen meters away, half obscured behind a bush, Gajeel glared at them. He had his arms around someone who seemed to be dealing with a wardrobe malfunction. A tomato-red face peeked around the Iron Dragon's chest and _Levy_ of all people stared at them with wide eyes. She yanked her skirt down with both hands.

"Aw, shit: an audience." Gray, whose body still covered Natsu's as they leaned against the rock, buried his face in the crook of Natsu's neck.

Natsu found this absolutely charming. He would've told Gray so with no small amount of grinning, but Gajeel was snarling at him with a deadly look.

"If you say one word, hothead—"

Gray whipped around so fast he nearly knocked Natsu into the boulder.

"We saw nothing, you saw nothing. And only I'm allowed to call him hothead," Gray growled. "Don't."

Gajeel raised an eyebrow. Levy tugged his hand, avoiding eye contact with the other pair and dragging Gajeel around the corner.

Before Natsu could take another breath, Gray's mouth was on his. Natsu wrapped his arms around the man and yanked him closer so the entire length of their bodies pressed together.

"Natsu," Gray gasped between kisses, "you're burning up."

"Mm."

Gray mumbled something into his mouth that sounded like, "Fucking Dragon."

"So strip," Natsu hummed back.

Gray's shirt and coat thumped on the ground. Bare-chested, he planted his hands on either side of Natsu's head and stared at him. Natsu met his eyes for a long second, his hands sliding over the ridges and lines of Gray's abdomen. Natsu bucked his hips, slowly rubbing their bodies together.

"Holy fuck," Gray whispered, diving down to bite the side of Natsu's neck.

Natsu gasped at the feel of teeth on his skin. Gray's familiar scent saturated his senses: storms and graphite and the outdoors and the tinge of sweat like trading punches that made his knuckles ache. His head was full of Gray.

Gray gripped Natsu's shoulders hard, and Natsu realized Gray's legs were shaking. Grinning, he brought the ice mage tight against him so the rock supported them. Gray kissed his ear and sucked on the soft spot just below it.

Natsu let out an embarrassingly desperate moan. That only empowered Gray further. As Gray trailed down his neck and bit him again, Natsu thrust his head back against the stone. His fingers felt their way down Gray's skin, enjoying the way Gray shivered under his touch.

The ice mage's kisses reached his clavicle and Gray paused long enough to say, "I can stop any time you want."

"Really?" Natsu managed, breathless. "'Cuz I can't."

He felt Gray smile against his skin. He wanted to _see_ that smile, see the Gray who was exuberant and happy. _I did that to you._

"I just meant," Gray said, kissing Natsu's chest softly above the bandage, "you can always say no."

"Oh. I know."

Natsu caressed Gray's face, forcing his chin back up. Gray looked almost afraid to meet his eye. There was anxious vulnerability there.

"It's _you_ , Gray. I've never had a problem saying no to you," Natsu chuckled. "But also because it's you, I don't want to."

He pulled Gray back into him, kissing him with all the energy he'd ever devoted to their fights. He ran a hand through Gray's hair, felt Gray's arms tighten around him, and breathed a sigh of joyful relief.

He didn't know how long they leaned against that rock. Could've been hours, could've been days. Gray's hands found their way inside Natsu's shirt, which disappeared shortly thereafter. Gray made it clear he didn't understand why Natsu had traded open vests for harder-to-remove clothing.

Natsu discovered how delightfully shocking cold fingers felt on his skin. He discovered the animal noises Gray made when Natsu dug his nails into Gray's back. He discovered Gray knew how to do at least a hundred amazing things with his mouth.

The best part was Gray saying, "Natsu," in a desperate, greedy voice.

At some point, Natsu became aware of how hard he was, and then how hard Gray was, and the fact that their movements were more and more directed towards the lower half of their bodies. Gray's fingers slipped into the hem of his pants, slowly, like asking for permission.

Natsu was suddenly sweating all over. The thrills running over him twisted in his gut. It wasn't that he didn't want this, because fuck he'd fantasized about this far too often, but the world was whizzing past so fast and they were outside in the open and there were a few things Gray should probably know…

"Wait," Natsu choked out. Already packed with adrenaline, his nerves almost had him jumping out of his skin.

When Gray looked at him, Natsu felt his face practically light on fire.

His chest picked that moment to hit him with all its balled-up pain. He gasped and put his hands over the bandage. Gray grabbed him by the shoulders as Natsu tried to pant out, "I'm fine. I swear. Gray. It's fine."

"You're really stubborn, flame brain, you know that?" Gray pointed at the ground. "Sit."

For once, Natsu obliged. He slid down the rock as Gray sat next to him, legs stretched out side by side. They leaned against the cool stone as Natsu's heart slowed to a normal rate and his breathing grew more controlled.

"I think my injury wants us to go slow," he joked.

"We can do that." Gray's answer was so immediate, Natsu blinked. Gray noted his surprise. "I told you to say no if you need to. For any reason."

Blushing, Natsu tried to open his mouth to speak. But Gray was staring at him so seriously with those black eyes, he couldn't make sound work in his throat.

So he rolled over to straddle Gray's hips, bent down, and kissed him. Gray eagerly tipped back his head and Natsu plunged his tongue into Gray's mouth. Gods, he loved hearing Gray's heart speed up.

He nipped Gray's lips before leaving a trail of harsh kisses across his jaw. Natsu proudly observed a bite mark he'd left earlier on Gray's chest, the four sharp indentations making it obvious Gray had not been bitten by a regular mouth. Gliding down, Natsu left a hicky on the same spot. _Mine._

Gray was gripping Natsu's thighs so hard his hands were shaking.

"I love you," the black-haired boy breathed.

Gray said it so softly Natsu almost missed it. When the words processed, with the thud of Gray's heart loud in his ears and Gray's scent filling him, stronger and darker than ever before, with the taste of Gray's skin on his tongue…

"Mm," Natsu murmured happily, not stopping his ministrations on Gray's body.

"What was that, sunflower?"

"You already know, snow queen," he growled into Gray's neck.

Gray snorted.

Natsu continued kissing his ice mage, licking a nipple and enjoying the way it hardened immediately. Groaning, Gray ran his hands up and down Natsu's body: he didn't seem fully aware of anything outside of Natsu's touch.

When the Dragon Slayer inhaled a deep breath, realizing he'd accidentally deprived himself of air, Gray sighed and put a hand over his eyes.

"I don't even…" Gray trailed off.

He was grinning broadly under that hand and seemed determined to cover it up. Natsu captured his lips and tried to remove his fingers from his face, but Gray resisted, laughing.

Hmph. Natsu didn't mind fighting him for this. _Fighting_ —the word made him remember the time.

"Gray?" Natsu asked.

Lowering his hand, Gray let Natsu see the luminous smile on his face and Natsu forgot everything he was about to say. Gray rarely looked so happy. The ice mage usually pretended he was too cool for anything but placidity and bored scowling. This grin lit his eyes, like he couldn't resist it, like he was alight from the inside. Natsu's heart hurtled up and disappeared somewhere high above them.

"What is it?" Gray asked.

Natsu jumped.

"Not that I really want to point this out," he said, "but I have a feeling the entire guild will be wondering where we are at this point, and whether or not we've managed to kill each other or destroy Magnolia yet."

"Fuck. How long's it been?"

"Dunno." Natsu squinted sunward. "Hour or two?"

"Great. We don't usually fight that long."

"I can give you a black eye if that would help sell the cover story," Natsu said, grinning.

"Do you want there to be a cover story?"

"Um, yes." Natsu blushed. "This doesn't belong to other people."

"I agree," Gray said firmly and Natsu relaxed. "Although, Happy…"

Natsu froze. He'd completely overlooked the blue cat. _I forgot about my best friend!_

Gray smirked at him. "You forgot."

"No," Natsu said hotly. What would Happy think about this? Was he going to feel replaced? Would he think Natsu didn't care about him anymore? Would he laugh at the idea of Natsu and Gray together, call them ridiculous?

"Natsu, it's okay. We'll cross that bridge later," Gray said calmly, running a hand through Natsu's hair and down his cheek. He ruined the softness of the gesture by thunking Natsu on the stomach. "Now get off. My legs are asleep."

Natsu stood up, stretched—and panic took over as he scrabbled at his neck. Whirling, he yelped, "My—!"

Gray patiently held his scarf out to him, wearing a little smile. As Natsu wound it around his neck, he found himself wanting to kiss every centimeter of the ice mage.

"You're hiding the marks I gave you," Gray sighed.

"I thought you didn't want people to know?"

"May not have much choice. This," he pointed to the bite-hicky on his chest, "will be hard to explain away."

"Just don't strip, perv."

"Yeah, because that's likely." Then Gray chuckled, "I suppose I can say an animal bit me."

"Hey!"

Gray grinned as he slid his shirt back on.

Natsu was secretly proud: if the way Gray had played his tongue over Natsu's fangs was any indication, Gray quite liked them. And he definitely liked being bitten by them.

"What are you smiling at?"

"Nope, sorry." Natsu beamed impishly. "I'm only speaking in kicks and punches the rest of today."

Grunting, Gray grabbed him and kissed him one last time, sore lips scraping across each other. Natsu really, really didn't want him to stop.

But they'd do this again, wouldn't they? No more guessing. They both knew they wanted this…whatever this was. It was unnamed but felt more real than anything else around them.

"I'm hungry," Gray said, as they stepped around the rocky outcrop and headed back toward the guildhall.

"Hey, that's my line, snowflake."

"So steal it back, slant-eyes," Gray called and took off running.

Natsu sprinted after him.

"You're making me run with injured lungs, you bastard!" he laughed. "You are so dead!"

As the guild neared, a tiny pang shivered in his chest. What if people noticed? What if the two of them couldn't keep this secret?

_We're just two boys who like kissing each other._

That was a thing. Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter will go up some time in the next two days! It's twice as long as the others, but I feel zero guilt. Apparently I really enjoy writing romantic fluff.


	19. Tongues and Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last one! It’s shamelessly long. Enjoy :)

Lunch turned into a competition over who could eat the most. Natsu and Gray kept smiling at each other, which embarrassed both of them, goading them into exchanging insults. Which relieved the tension, because fighting was normal. As soon as they were relaxed, they'd start grinning again and then get embarrassed and the whole thing would start over again.

It made for an energetic lunch—and after, too, as they continued sitting there, not a clue what to do but not wanting to be anywhere else.

The cycle of insults, grins, and embarrassment picked right back up again the next day. It put Natsu on edge in an excited, fuzzy way: he didn't want to be anywhere else. The two boys only broke off when Loki came over and struck up conversation with Gray. Natsu wandered over to Happy, who was perched on the bar pestering Mirajane.

"I have something to talk to you about, partner."

"Natsu, I don't think you should go on another job yet," Happy said, dubious.

"It has nothing to do with that." Natsu glanced around: Mira walked off to serve drinks and there was no one else in their vicinity. He lowered his voice. "How many fish do I need to bribe you with for you to keep a really big secret?"

Happy looked offended. "You don't have to bribe me."

"Really?"

"Really."

Natsu took a deep breath. "I made out with Gray."

Happy fell off the bar.

"Happy!" Natsu exclaimed, leaping up to stare behind the counter. A few people looked around. He continued more quietly, "Are you okay?"

"Yes," Happy grumbled, rubbing his head. He fluttered back up to his seat and gave Natsu a hard glare. "Are you teasing me?"

Natsu held up his palms. "Totally serious."

As Happy continued to scrutinize him, Natsu's broad, silly grin escaped his control. He beamed.

That convinced the feline.

"You're in looooove," Happy whispered, ebullient. "Natsu is bluuuuuushing."

"Shut up," the Dragon Slayer snorted. "You won't tell anyone, right?"

"Sure. But why not?"

"We just don't want people to know right now." Natsu picked at the myriad scars layering his knuckles. "You're not upset, Happy?"

"You should've told me sooner." Happy crossed his blue arms. "Is he going to live with us?"

Natsu spluttered and almost fell off his stool.

"He can't have my fish," Happy went on, ignoring this reaction.

"Okay."

"And no making out in public."

"I just told you it's a secret!"

"No making out in front of me. That's what I meant."

Natsu tilted his head. "Why not?"

"Because you'll fight later like you always do and then I'll be sad. I don't want to be sad every time you fight."

That made Natsu blink.

"I didn't know you cared that much, Happy."

"Of course I care!" The Exceed looked hurt. "You're not allowed to break up with each other, Natsu. If you break my heart, I won't be able to believe in love anymore."

"Alright, alright." Natsu rolled his eyes and hugged him, both to comfort him and keep him quiet. "Gray and I can't break up because we're not dating. So it's all good."

"I guess that works." Happy frowned. "But you should solve that problem."

"Aye, sir," Natsu laughed, but his heart slammed into his rib cage like a bull elephant breaking down the door.

Gray didn't do relationships: everyone knew that. Of course, Gray also didn't go around kissing Natsu. This whole thing was different. They'd been dancing around each other for months. Gray had whispered _I love you_ just yesterday—granted, Natsu's mouth had been on him at the time.

Natsu didn't know what Gray wanted out of this. He didn't even know why Gray was generally dead-set against romantic relationships or what terms would justify an exception. Natsu really wanted to be an exception.

The Salamander swallowed. When Mira returned to the bar, he quickly ordered a drink.

What did he, Natsu Dragneel, want? That was an even thornier question. He wanted Gray. And he wanted Gray to be happy. Shit, this was going to be hard.

* * *

Gray couldn't help being reserved as Loki chatted with him. Since Loki was always coy, it was hard to interpret his motives.

When Natsu vacated the table a few minutes later, Loki changed topics like he'd been waiting for this.

"I saw Saisho earlier this week," Loki said casually. "He said he hasn't seen you around the club in months."

Gray felt uneasiness flicker warnings in his brain.

"I stopped going."

"Really?" Loki looked surprised—which was reasonable, since Gray had a bit of a reputation at Magnolia's men's bar. "When was this?"

"Months ago."

Loki gaped at him. "Why?"

Gray grunted. Loki wasn't going to stop. "I just didn't feel like it anymore."

"You? Didn't feel like getting laid?" Loki snorted. "Give me a break."

"I didn't say that." Gray bristled, defensive. "I just moved on."

"Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine, Loki." Gray rolled his eyes. "Stop mothering my sex life. You can tell Saisho he may not see me for a while. I'm…busier with jobs these days."

Loki gave him the I'm-not-stupid look.

"Not still feeling guilty about the Salamander, are you?" Loki asked. His blue eyes snagged on Gray's.

The words sent a rebellious tremor through Gray. _Damn you._ He crossed his arms, gaze flicking to the pink hair on the other side of the room.

"What if I was?"

"I can think of some ways you could make it up to him." Loki grinned.

Gray's muscles hardened like ice. Not because he wasn't interested in those ways, but because _Loki_ was talking about it. Those two men belonged to totally separate worlds for Gray. He wanted to keep it that way.

"Loki, what is it you came over here for?"

"Aha, I found it." Loki smirked.

Gray glared. "Found what?"

"The truth." Amusement played across Loki's features. "I can see we won't be starting up our arrangement again anytime soon. That's good: I came to tell you I've found someone else, and I didn't want you to feel shut out."

"Do as you wish." Gray waved a hand at him, a little disconcerted he had to say those words at all. Their arrangement had always revolved around an open door. "Good for you, finding someone."

"I could say the same." Loki's eyes crinkled in a sincere smile. "I'm glad for you, Gray-kun."

Gray humphed, feeling a mixture of frustration, exuberance, and wanting to sink through the floor. He didn't want to know what his face looked like right now.

"Just don't tell anyone about your totally unconfirmed suspicions," Gray mumbled at last. " _Including Lucy._ I don't want rumors."

"Tell anyone about what?" Loki grinned, rose, and walked off.

Gray put his head down on the table. Fucking immortals. It wasn't fair that they had eternal sexy youth _and_ accrued centuries of people-reading skills.

"Oi, popsicle!"

Gray jerked up, fighting down a blush, then anger, then a smile. Natsu bit his lip like he was holding in laughter at this.

"What is it, flame breath?" Gray said, voice gravelly.

"You're coming with me. I need someone along with me or else Happy is threatening to lock me inside for a week. _I don't need help_ ," Natsu stressed, "I'm just doing this for Happy's peace of mind. Since this injury is your fault to begin with, you're the lucky winner."

Gray smirked, rising to follow the Dragon Slayer toward the door. "This is too good. You asking for help? How can I say no?"

"I am not asking for help!"

"And asking _me_ of all people. That must rankle."

" _Didn't I just explain this is all your fault, ice princess?"_ The ire on Natsu's face was endearing in its familiarity.

"Oh right. It's my fault because I beat your sorry ass in a fight." Gray grinned.

Natsu's mouth opened, but no words came out. Instead he punched Gray on the arm while Gray laughed.

Outside it was dry and cool. Gray followed Natsu along the blocks, not knowing or particularly caring where they were going. When they were out of range of any Fairy Tail ears, he spoke up.

"Very smooth back there, hothead."

Natsu glared. Gray loved that expression. It held no enmity, and Gray knew Natsu's anger existed right alongside his affection. That glare was something not many people besides Gray could conjure on the Dragon Slayer. It was another piece of their weird, contentious relationship.

"If you want to get me out of the guild, there are better ways," Gray went on, trying not to laugh as Natsu narrowed his eyes.

"Like what, snowflake?"

Gray, who didn't actually have any ideas, tried to look sagacious.

"Where are we going, anyway?" he asked.

"Happy demanded fish for dinner as a consolation. I didn't feel like sitting on the riverbank all by myself. And he really did tell me not to go alone. Worrywart."

"Consolation for what?" Gray asked.

"For startling him. I told him I kissed you."

"Wow, that was fast."

Natsu shrugged a nonchalant shoulder. "It's not like he wouldn't find out soon enough."

"Wait, you told him _you_ kissed _me_? What about me kissing you?" Gray protested.

"I did it first." Natsu grinned. "That's the important one, right?"

They bickered back and forth all the way to Natsu's house, fully aware that they were only quarrelling because they were too shy to talk about making out. Gray couldn't remember ever feeling embarrassed about kissing before. Damn Natsu.

The conversation had turned into an intellectual argument over the best way to cook fish by the time they reached the river with tackle in tow.

Leafless trees interspersed with yellow maples overshadowed the bank. The water was a slow, cool burble. November in Magnolia was beautiful.

Natsu set up a pole and lay back in the dry grass, toes dangling in the water. Gray tugged off his shoes and sat down beside him.

"Doesn't it feel cold?" Gray asked, kicking at the water.

"You tell me," Natsu retorted.

"Nothing is cold to me, dimwit. But aren't you hot-blooded or something?"

"Yep. Exactly." Natsu grinned. "So what do I care if it's cold? I generate my own heat. Always have."

Gray propped himself back on his elbows, trying not to imagine sleeping curled next to that human heat. Pressing against that warmth without stupid clothes in the way. What it would feel like to take that heat in his mouth—

"Something's biting," he said in relief, nudging the Salamander toward his line.

Scrambling up, Natsu hurried to reel the prey in, only to lose it two seconds later.

"Not paying much attention, are you?" Gray chuckled.

"Staring at something else."

Gray, who could feel Natsu's eyes on him, blushed (which he realized later was exactly what Natsu wanted) and looked over. The Dragon Slayer had lain back in the grass, hands behind his head—black gaze fixed on Gray.

Heart beating fast, Gray leaned down and kissed him.

Natsu made a sound of surprise before running a hand through Gray's hair. The other hand slid down Gray's chest—when had he lost his shirt?—as Natsu took control and sucked Gray's lip. Damn, the fire mage knew how to possess someone.

When they broke apart, Gray teased, "Cute squeak, fire queen. Did I take you by surprise?"

Natsu snorted. "Your heart rate was a bit of a hint."

"My— You can hear that?"

"Mm. There's no ambient noise around here to cover it up. In the guild, I'd have to be sitting next to you."

Gray relaxed onto his back, staring up at the tree limbs. Well, that was good to know. Fat chance ever hiding emotions from Natsu.

The wind ghosted over them, making Natsu shiver and burst into flame.

"Shit!" Gray jumped sideways.

"Sorry," Natsu mumbled, fire winking out to be replaced by an embarrassed flush.

Gray laughed at him.

It was satisfyingly strange: Gray felt happy even when he wasn't sucking the Salamander's face. Everything was pleasant and he was content just lying here. Given the chance, he would stay here all day.

That was a new feeling.

* * *

Gray's loose fingers rested between them as the ice mage stared up, lost in the sky. After a moment of narrow-eyed thinking, Natsu grabbed his hand.

"Is this okay?" he asked.

"Yes, of course it is," Gray said, rolling his eyes, but his cheeks reddened.

"Do you not usually hold hands?" Natsu chuckled.

"I've never held your hand before, flame brain." The side of Gray's mouth was fighting a losing battle against a smile.

"With anyone else?"

In an instant, the smile vanished and Gray's face shuttered. "I don't think we should talk—"

"All I care about," Natsu interrupted, "is that you're not with anyone else while we're…" Natsu waved his free hand, "together."

Gray's body went taut as a tripwire. Natsu, who was in the process of rolling onto an elbow facing him, got a nice view of Gray's abs tensing. The hard lines disappearing into Gray's pants distracted him for several seconds.

"Are we...together?" Gray asked. His voice had gone quiet.

Natsu suddenly felt stiff and on high alert. Like reality was about to sock him and burn down everything he wanted.

Like all of this had been a lie.

"Do you want to be?" he asked.

"Do you?"

Natsu took a deep breath and looked Gray full in the face. "Yes."

Apprehension released around Gray's eyes. He exhaled through thin lips, and then looked down as if ashamed.

Natsu found his cracked voice and managed, "Gray?"

The black-haired boy raised his eyes slowly, like Natsu was forcing him out of hiding. He looked _scared_.

Before Natsu could say anything, Gray kissed him. They were both lying on their sides now, chests flat against each other. The only signal Natsu had to go by was Gray's quick heartbeat.

"We speak better with our bodies, don't we?" Natsu said, as Gray's breath grazed his face.

"Mm." Sheepish, Gray raised his free hand and pushed black hair out of his eyes. "Guess so."

"Well, I have something to say then."

Wrapping a hand around Gray's neck, Natsu captured his mouth passionately, his other hand sliding up Gray's leg. Natsu loved how he could hear Gray's lungs seize up.

"Did you get all that?" Natsu asked, pulling away.

Gray gaped.

"You...might have to tell me a second time."

Natsu kissed the ice mage again, ignoring the pain in his sternum. His hand curled against Gray's chest, nails scraping over skin. Gray's breath stuttered.

_Gods, I want you._

"How about that time?" Natsu asked.

Gray closed his eyes, unable to stop his grin.

"I don't know if I can hear you," he panted.

"Gods damn it, Gray!" Natsu exclaimed. "Will you be my boyfriend?"

Without moving, Gray opened his eyes. They were inches apart. "On one condition."

Natsu watched the serious boy with nervous expectation.

"You have to be mine, too," Gray said.

As Natsu let out the breath he'd been holding, Gray burst into ridiculous laughter and squeezed his hand.

"Fuck you," Natsu said shakily, trying and failing to look mad.

Cutting off Gray's reply, which sounded like, _please do_ , Natsu rolled on top of his boyfriend and kissed him into oblivion.

Natsu deliberately tried to infuriate Gray. Grinding into him, Natsu ran his hands all over him, so close to tempting places. He knocked the ice mage over onto his back, and when Gray attempted to flip them over, Natsu grabbed his wrists and pinned Gray's legs with his own.

"Nope, mine," he growled, scratching his nails sharply down Gray's skin. Gray made a noise of half-protest, so Natsu sucked Gray's tongue into his mouth to keep him occupied.

Natsu's chest started hurting, like it always did, but he waited until a particularly painful twinge before pulling back, Gray's mouth chasing after him. The Salamander took a focused breath, waiting for the throbbing to abate.

 _You,_ he told his injury, _are like a small whiny child who keeps interrupting their parents when they try to fuck._

* * *

Above Gray, Natsu's face screwed up, eyes closed.

"Are you alright?" Gray asked automatically.

"I am not weak," Natsu coughed, shooting him a warning look.

"Trust me," Gray snorted, "I'd never make the mistake of thinking you were. I'm not stupid."

Natsu blinked in surprise.

"What," Gray said, "you think I'd underestimate an enemy?"

"Enemy?" Natsu growled, putting them nose to nose. "Is that what I am?"

_Not anymore._

"Just how many kisses will it take to persuade you otherwise?" Natsu asked.

"You persuaded me five minutes ago when you _talked_. Believe it or not, bodies can't say everything." Gray snickered. "It's called using your words, hot stuff."

Natsu heaved a warm sigh past his ear.

"You want words? I can give you words." Natsu pulled up so he could look down at him, hands planted on either side of Gray's shoulders. "I like you, Gray. I've been trying to get your attention for ages, but you are thicker than Erza's armor and _refused_ to get it. I kissed you _months_ ago, ice breath, and gave you plenty of opportunities to do or say something since then."

"What? Did not!"

"Did too. This probably never would've happened if you hadn't accidentally tried to kill me, and _that_ only happened because you were cranky that day in the woods, I got pissed and yelled at you, and then proceeded to feel guilty about it like an idiot. So really," he punched Gray's good shoulder, "anything you missed out on is your fault, snowflake."

"See now," Gray raised his eyebrows, "that would've been a lot clearer if you'd used your words in the first place."

Natsu threw his hands into the air.

" _Also_ ," Gray went on, "I was not 'cranky,' I was fucking pissed. The Scarlet Terror told me to drag you away from _your girlfriend_ in a situation that I was told would be _intimate_. I may be a pervert in other ways, but I do not enjoy watching other people suck face. Especially," Gray coughed, "not you."

Natsu was blinking at him, trying to catch up.

"But I don't have a girlfriend," he said at last, somewhat bewildered.

"Apparently. Once again, I would have known that _if you used your words_."

Natsu sighed. "There's no winning with you."

"Of course not, slant eyes," Gray snorted. "It's me, after all. Besides..."

Gray raised himself up to kiss Natsu's throat. Gray's voice softened.

"Haven't you already won what you wanted?"

Natsu groaned.

"I didn't expect that reaction," Gray said, rubbing his thumb over the same bit of skin.

"Actually that was me running out of words for you, princess. Didn't I tell you earlier you only get grunts from here on out?"

Gray smirked. He wondered if Natsu knew when he was making innuendos.

"I guess I can work with grunts," Gray said evilly.

He pulled Natsu down onto him and kissed him again, biting Natsu's lips.

But despite his words, his mouth worked slowly, because something was niggling his brain. Natsu had brought up his history. Gray didn't know how to explain who he was and what this, right here, meant for him in context.

That was also confusing because, even though it had never mattered with anyone else before, he really wanted Natsu to understand. Gray generally thought your history was your own business. But he wanted Natsu to get him—to know Gray and understand this about him.

Gods, that was a sign he was in way too deep.

"Just so you know," Gray began tentatively when they took a breath, "and I only say this because you brought it up…I've _been_ with a lot of people, but I haven't _dated_ a lot of people. I've never actually had a boyfriend before. You're…my first."

Natsu wasn't quite as surprised as Gray expected.

"Good, me neither. Now I don't have to pretend," the Dragon Slayer teased.

"You don't have to pretend anything. _Please_ don't pretend with me. I'm confused enough already and I have no fucking clue what I'm doing. Gods." Gray scrubbed a hand across his face. "We're going to be a fucking disaster, aren't we?"

Natsu just hummed happily, making a smile spread across Gray's mouth.

Natsu rolled off of him, moving with care and some wincing, though Gray wisely didn't comment on it this time. Lying beside him, Natsu intertwined their fingers and Gray realized how hot and sweaty Natsu's hand was.

Gray felt smug: he'd always enjoyed having an effect on others, but it was even better when it was Natsu. His rival. Someone whose opinion mattered to him.

Suddenly, the other boy's head swooped into view. Natsu bit the ice mage's collarbone and Gray let out a yelp. The Dragon Slayer kissed him into silence for several hot minutes, then flopped back down beside him.

"Um?" Gray asked, gasping.

"Just keeping you on your toes."

Gray snorted and shook his head. He couldn't seem to stop smiling and he knew the Salamander could hear every crash of his thundering pulse.

They could hear something else too. They both looked over just as the fishing pole was tugged from its wedged spot on the bank into the river.

"Gods damn it," Natsu sighed. "There goes Happy's dinner. Shit, I can't tell him you're my boyfriend if there aren't any fish involved."

Trying not to laugh, Gray looked over at him.

"Guess we'll have to find something else to do, hothead."

Natsu's grin turned roguish. "That shouldn't be too hard."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and all your lovely comments! I've greatly enjoyed this. The first chapter of the sequel, Overcome, is going up as soon as I post this (iow, within the hour!).


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